VernetteOutLoud

Alone vs Lonely

A close friend asked me if I am lonely these days and her question made me stop and think.

Am I lonely?

Lonely is pining for something you once had, or being upset that you’re cooking for one or that you eat alone every day. Lonely is not being open to adventure because what’s the point when there is no plus one to share it with. Lonely is lack…a need for something that is missing. Lonely is incomplete-ness.

Alone is a choice.

Yes I suck at dating, but it’s not why I choose to be alone at this time.

My heart has taken a couple major hits and I felt used and discarded and then discarded some more, like I was nothing. I felt like in some ways I sat back and willingly let my time be stolen. The investment I made with all of me…was mocked. Frankly, when it comes to men…I’m just never right. I’ve only ever chosen ones who didn’t choose me.

So I need some healing up time. I need to give myself some much-needed TLC. I want this time to just be still in this moment. I want to re-discover who I am and what makes me happy. I’m also learning forgiveness and acceptance.

I know this path I’m on feels right with my soul. I’m learning how to walk comfortably in my own shoes…perhaps for the first time.

I want a Love that satisfies my soul. I want a Love that lights all my “dark” corners. I want a Love that is passionate and I want to not be afraid of that passion. I want to be able to recognize Love when it shows up and be able to cherish it minus baggage when it stays. I want to be whole and healed when Love chooses me. And I feel like this “Alone” time is the bridge to that. I want to be present to this experience of healing because this journey is what will get me from here…to there.

Alone has been an adventure thus far. I am blessed with a cohort of truly awesome friends and a not-so-perfect-and-that’s-just-why-I-love-them family. My nephew will be born soon and I am looking forward to basking in his light. It’s a testament to my state of mind that up until this question made me think about lonely, I never felt like something was missing. I am expanding in my fullness and alone I am becoming more centered…alive…overflowing with Love.

At peace.

At peace.

Am I Lonely? No.

I am powerful.

I am happy.

I am free.

I am enough.

What does Love look like?

1 Corinthians 13:4

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is more than “the One”.

Love will not read my mind nor will Love finish my sentences.

Love breaks down my walls and exposes the parts of me that are in need of growth.

Love challenges me to grow, it pushes me beyond your limits.

Love is showing up for the challenge.

Love is self-awareness.

Love moves me toward transformation and causes me to evolve.

Love is a blaze of passion that never goes out, though it may burn slow and low…red hot glowing embers quickly ignite with an intentional spark.

Love is soul fire.

Love has no end; thus, my relationships are divine appointments that will teach me about myself when I am open to the lessons. They won’t last forever.

Challenge Accepted

One of my favourite bloggers got the idea from one of his favourite bloggers and I’ve accepted the challenge to condense 30 days of blessings into one blog post. So here goes:

1. Coffee!

2. The 947,462,400 seconds I had with my mother. Time is short and life is shorter. Love now. Love Now! LOVE NOW!

3. Tiramisu – my all time favourite dessert. Bless the heart, mind and hands that first envisioned and created this decadent “pick me up”.

4. Being able to read.

5. Good Books – there is nothing like curling up with a book and crawling inside the story. And of course I can’t talk about good books and not mention one of my favs, it’s so simple but so profound Harold and His Purple Crayon…inspiring me to create the life of my imagination everyday.

6. Red Wine.

7. Peace of mind. This should really be #1 but I’ll leave it as lucky #7 instead. I’ve attained a peacefulness of spirit in the last few days that is priceless. I did the thing I was most afraid of doing. I said the thing I was most afraid of saying. And I am ok. PEACE. OF. MIND.

8. My aunties...and yes that’s coffee in front of me.

9. That I live on island. The ocean is always only a short drive away.

10. God chose this time in our history to help my mother and father create me. I feel so blessed to be alive in this era.

11. My faith. I’m grateful that my mother knew the importance of spiritual practice and that she encouraged it. Thanks to her for introducing me to God.

12. Good food. This is the yummiest way to have spinach…after smoothies of course.

13. The trackpad on my phone. When it works, all is well with the world. When it doesn’t….more coffee please!

14. My apartment. I love having my own space during this part of my journey. It’s my safe haven. It’s my haiku to my independence…my “look ma…no hands”.

15. My godsons. They keep me on my toes. They remind me that children don’t stay babies forever and you need to cherish those moments. They also make me grateful that I don’t have kids yet.

16. My cohort of awesome! (this is my creative way of saying I’m grateful for my real friends, old and new)

17. That I know the difference between “being in love” and “being 80s power ballad in love”. Survivor or Journey anyone?

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while
– Search is Over, Survivor

18. Rainy days – life is about balance, they make you appreciate sunshine.

19. ABC’s Wednesday Primetime line up! Mitchell and Cam are two of my favourite tv characters.

20. Air-conditioning. I live on an island. Nuff said.

21. 2-ply toilet paper…and that they’re cushy for my tushy (yes I went there!)

22. Tom Hardy. Perfect body…messed up teeth, because the perfect man does not exist. (Tom comes close though!)

23. My yoga practice.

24. My feet. They take me where I need to go despite taking a pounding from the moment I get up until I lie down at night, only to repeat the same process the next day.

25. French Toast!

26. Pinterest – because big girls need toys too.

27. My basil and rosemary plants are thriving. Caprese coming soon.

28. My snoozer body pillow.

29. Getting another day and another chance to live with purpose.

30. That there are 30 things I’m thankful for in my life right now.