“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” – Esther Hicks

Last evening, I found myself hanging out at a bar and wishing with all my heart that I’d said no and headed home instead. The whole time I was sitting on that bar stool I kept asking myself why, if I knew I wasnt feeling 100, did I still agree to come? I couldn’t blame anyone but myself for my unhappiness and discomfort. I felt tortured by the whole scene, all the conversations going on around me felt inane and boring. I wanted to blame the other people in the lime for my predicament, but the only reason I was there was because I said yes. In my frustration I alienated everyone in the lime that I agreed to like it was somehow their fault that I had made this stupid decision.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation that does not make you happy and you take your frustration with yourself out on the people around you? For me, its more times than I deserve forgiveness for. I’m a work in progress.

I didn’t like that person who wanted to make everyone feel bad because I wasnt feeling well. It was unfair. So I’ve decided that since I am solely responsible for my happiness, I should have a few rules to live by, so that when I’m on “2 minds” about something, I will refer to them for guidance. I was going for ten, but let’s be real here, I’m not going to remember ten rules. So this is what I came up with for living my best life:

1. I am responsible for my happiness, NO ONE ELSE IS.

2. Always remember Rule #1.

Those are my rules, pretty simple huh?! I thought so too and I can definitely remember them, even when I want to be mad at the whole wide world. Yes, I am allowed to feel pain, sadness, anger, fear, panic and disappointment since they are a part of life. I believe we have to feel it to heal it, so feeling the negative emotions helps the moving on process. But I am not allowed to wallow. Happiness is not a destination, it is a decision and the time is always now, now is the time to choose happiness.

Thankfully, I’ve learned over the years what makes me happy:

Drinking more water, my body thanks me when I do.

Doing more spin and yoga. Whenever I do a spin class, I feel like I can take on the world after and well yoga, just makes me feel good period.

Recently, my drinking green smoothies and trying new recipes are a source of joy that I didn’t think possible.

Getting more rest. I am always nicer when I’ve had enough sleep.

More Sex. The in love, committed to each other, you rock my world kinda sex, because that’s the kind I’m happiest having.

Blogging. I started this blog to share my experiences with my readers and it amazes me every time I realise that people are in fact reading. This has been such a humbling and exhilarating experience all at once.

Drinking less alcohol. Hangovers get worse with age.

Forgiving more. Forgiving myself first and then everybody else. We are all carrying burdens and some are heavier than others, I don’t have to make mine any heavier by holding on to crap. This means forgiving him too.

Praying more, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Taking time to enjoy cassava dumplings and Tiramisu when I can. Because life is short and we’re here to have plenty fun too.

Enjoying the outdoors, exploring my island and travelling more. Experiencing new things always make for extraordinary moments.

Yes I have career goals and financial goals and working towards these goals add to my happiness, the little steps I take everyday towards achieving these goals matter the most.

And when I need a time out from it all, I promise to listen to my body and take care of me.

I am going to cultivate the habits that make me happy everyday. It’s an evolving list as I learn and grow and become the Vernette I was created to be. The great thing about happy is that you can find it where you look for it and when you realise that it’s inside of you, then it makes things a whole lot easier. The happier I am, the more loving I am. The more love I have to give, is the happier I will be.

There is a quote that goes, “The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” Don’t wait for “someday” to be happy. Embrace the light, embrace your light and make yourself happy now. The time is and always will be now.

This is one of my favourite places. Every time I’m in Tobago, I make the time to visit. I feel happy and at peace here and my spirit is always renewed. It’s also the scene of one of the last happy times I had with my mother before she died. Do you have a “favourite/happy” spot that renews your spirit too? – photo by Lucy Masters