VernetteOutLoud

Day 16 – A little something to eat

Today’s affirmation:

Show me how I can give enough today to solve a problem.

I’m at the halfway point of this 29-Gift journey and I still find myself focusing on my “lack” and not my abundance. I worry that I don’t have enough for me and if I’m a fraud for even starting on this journey. Doubt can eat you alive sometimes. To counteract this doubt I need to renew my faith in what I’m doing. Insomnia gives me time to think, sometimes too much time but I did come up with a new approach for today’s gift, hence the affirmation.

Focus on solving a problem. Trying to come up with a solution to someone else’s problem should get my mind off my own. I was gonna have to be on the lookout all day for opportunities in problem solving. My work day is very routine, so my problem-solving skills will be put to the test.

A co-worker has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. The problem: What can we do or how can we/I help? Now this is something close to my heart; my mother had Ovarian Cancer. Help at this time can be anything from time, soup, tissues, and a drive to the doctor’s office and most definitely money. How do I get everyone at the office involved in a fundraiser? My department loves to have a reason for an “Eat-up” so I figured something involving food.

The solution: a breakfast fundraiser. Not too expensive, everyone can contribute and we wouldn’t have to walk around with donation sheets. The planning has started.

After the high of solving this problem, there wasn’t anything else around that needed my super-duper problem-solving skill set. So I got on with the work at hand and hoped I’d have another opportunity before the day was over to solve another problem.

On the way to the taxi stand after work, busy talking my head off with my friend, affirmation long forgotten; only problem at hand was: Not having to wait long for a car. This guy walks along side me and quietly asks if I could buy him something to eat. I was so caught up in my conversation I didn’t hear him clearly at first and I was ahead of him a bit, when he asked again.

I stopped and turned and asked my friend to stay with me. Conveniently, his request was made just in front of a food vendor. I thought about the fact that I only had $100 to last me until pay-day which is a whole week away. I really needed to go to the grocery and that $100 was gonna have to turn into 5 loaves and 2 fish if it was going to stretch until next week, doing grocery shopping and commuting. In 5 seconds I thought about my “lack”; if I had a sign visible only to the hungry that I was an easy target and that here is a problem I can solve right now.

The problem: hungry guy needs food.
The solution: I have money right now; I can bless it and buy him the food.

So I told him to order what he wanted, the lady behind the counter looked at him as if she was going to turn him away. I mouthed to her that I was going to pay for what he wanted. He was specific, rice and peas and a salad. He didn’t even ask for meat. I thought, wow doesn’t he realise I’m paying; he could have ordered whatever he wanted. I asked him if he might like a drink and that he should get something. He asked for a Sprite.

My budget has just dwindled to $70. The guy apologizes and thanks me for the meal. I asked him to please eat it and that he didn’t have to apologise for being hungry.

I thanked my girl-friend for staying with me, because well you just never know. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have three moments of panic about the money. Still, I blessed it and got a car for home. Everytime I feel like I dont have enough, I find myself in a place where have I to live with even less. And I do. And I’m ok. Not an easy lesson.

Day 15 – Kisses

Would you like a kiss?

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give from the heart.

My insomnia is back. Truth be told, it never really left. Sleep, when I do get it, is not very restful so I’ve been feeling rundown a lot lately. As a result, my morning routine is rushed and I’ve been finding that I forget to say my affirmation before I even leave my bed. All that to say, I forgot to start my day with an affirmation and it may be just in my head, but I’m finding that my thoughts feel scattered and unfocused when I don’t do the affirmation first thing. It’s a struggle to remember it during the course of the day.

Today is one of those scattered thoughts days. It’s a struggle to focus at work, far less to be mindful of giving.

We have a tradition at the office, if someone goes on vacation, when they return they usually bring chocolates to share with everyone. A co-worker and friend had just returned from vacay and brought Hershey’s Kisses for everyone. At first I thought it might have been just a three or four, but when I got my “package” it was a quite a lot…enough to share.Thank you tradition.

Disclaimer: stop reading now if you don’t want to read the puns.

Was this a test God? I’ve been faithful to my lifestyle change and not given in to the demands of my sweet tooth. Then, bam! You send me an envelope full of little chocolate kisses. I mean, seriously, you can’t have just one kiss…right?!

To save myself the grief of the scale on Monday, I was gonna have to share these kisses around. A kiss for everyone I meet until I have none left. Tough work, but I can smile and give ‘em.

Of course, my opening was, “hey, would you like a kiss?” BIG SMILE. Hand over Hershey’s Kiss. “There you go.” HUGE SMILE.

I feel like a rock star because I realised two things doing this: 1. everyone wants a kiss and 2. people are greedy. Most fun I’ve had on this journey yet.

Day 14 – Being open to receive

baby steps

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with creativity.

I think I really need to stop being surprised by the Universe or be more open to the fact that each moment in everyday is an opportunity to choose to let Love in or not. Moment to moment either we Love or we don’t.

As I was leaving home for work this morning, I said very tongue in cheek and out loud, ok Universe, I need your help today. I really want to give creatively. You gotta help me out.

Just as I locked the gate and stepped into the street there was a taxi passing and the driver indicated that he was going my way. Getting in, took some manoeuvering, because I had my handbag, gym bag and travel mug. I hit snooze a few times this morning, which made me late so I had to have my morning smoothie to go.

The driver enquired about all the bags I had with me and if I went to a gym? I said yes and that was all the encouragement he needed. We talked the entire trip. He shared with me some of his history, that diabetes and hypertension runs in his family and he had major surgery a few years ago and because of that he had to leave his 8-4 job, change his lifestyle, start eating clean and exercising more. After getting in one mention about my own lifestyle change and green smoothie, I was content to listen with the murmured uh huhs here and there, learning and soaking up all he had to say.

As we approached the taxi stand, he said that he would drive down to my building since I had all those bags and the mug. I was so grateful, because I was late and getting dropped off at my building would shave off precious minutes. He then asked, why type of milk I used in my smoothie…just the opening I needed to expound about how I use yogurt instead of milk and it’s a very simple and customizable recipe that he should try.

He said to me, that “it’s good to share the good things with others”. I thought it was so poignant and true. Usually, I use my morning commute time to check email, reply to messages and read my daily inspirations, ignoring everyone and everything around me. Today, however, I never looked at my phone once. Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed this random yet insightful conversation about eating better and exercising a little more.

My one regret was that I didn’t get his name but that’s the way this morning was supposed to go. Of course I was happy to not have to walk the four blocks from the taxi stand to my building in high heels. I was extremely thrilled for the opportunity to share a bit about my green smoothie which I love so much. But it was only upon reflection about what happened this morning I understood that being present and open was the gift for today.

This 29-Gift journey is teaching me everyday, to stop and savour the moment. I have to be present to the present to recognize the opportunities to give and to be open to the gifts given to me. Of course all this wisdom came right after I snapped at friend who was only trying to compliment me last night. Sometimes, this journey can really feel like it’s a one step forward, two-steps back dance. But each baby step forward, gets me closer to the authentic me who is better equipped to deal with the eventual two steps back.

You are blocking Love when you don’t let people give to you. Open up and let it in. – Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love.

…and I will add to those words, the more Love you let in, the more Love you will have to give, especially when you enlist help from the Universe.

Day 13 – Permission to be flawed

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with joy.

My affirmation today, felt like a lie because joy was the last thing I was feeling. My lessons in forgiveness, are far from over. Since Saturday, I have had something weighing on my mind. I managed til now to convince myself that it wasnt that big of a deal. Boy was I wrong.

Have you ever had a phone call to make, but the more time passes, the easier it gets not to make it? You rationalise why you don’t have to make it, yet you feel guilty because the time that elapses only makes the situation worse? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of business?

I had such a phone call to make. I had to call and apologize and ask for forgiveness. I was afraid to make the call and my inaction was frustrating me. If I am to live my truth and walk in light always, then I should be able to make this phone call. I should be able to feel the fear and do it anyway.

I truly felt ashamed that I wasnt able to deliver on a promise and I didn’t have the cojones to make amends. I was plagued by thoughts about what my friend must think of me now that I didn’t live up to expectations. How do I feel about myself? My integrity is now in question. What if my friend is so upset, she doesn’t even want to speak to me? And if she does hang-up on me, I deserved it didn’t I?

The more I tried not to think about it, the more I felt bad about it. I was beginning to feel like a fraud, here I am on this 29-Gift journey, trying to give of myself to others and I couldn’t even do this one thing. This thing that needed to be done. I finally picked up the phone tonight and dialed. No answer.

The coward in me rejoiced. Oh sweet relief! Now I can say, hey, I tried to call, but there was no answer. See, I made an effort, albeit a half-hearted one.

I managed to convince myself that this was ok…until I got home from work. As soon as I was alone with my thoughts, I decided I couldn’t come here and talk about light and love and there was this “love thing” I was avoiding doing. I simply had to Spartan-up and call again, whatever the consequences. Feeling bad about it and not doing anything, was not going to help me or my friend. So I called.

We spoke. Though she felt disappointed, she accepted my apology. I still feel terrible about the whole situation but I am very glad that I faced my ego and made the call. An apology is like a mirror. When it’s sincere, it is an admission to self that you are human, that you are flawed, you make mistakes, sometimes you disappoint people and yourself. Give yourself and the people in your life the permission to be human.

Day 12 – A simple gift

Today’s affirmation:

Today I simply give.

I got up today, filled with doubt. Doubts about this path and where I’m headed consumed me. I couldn’t even get creative about my affirmation. I didn’t mention before but there is one caveat for the 29 Days of giving which is, if you miss a day, you should start again from Day 1. By 4 p.m. I was feeling like I may have to start Day 1 again tomorrow. I had absolutely no clue about what the day’s gift was going to be. Starting over felt like a defeat somehow.

As I was wrapping up to leave the office, my friend Lucy invited my sister and I to join her for dinner. On the way to her spot, I thought to myself, how can I give a gift in this situation? But by the time I got there, I vowed to myself that today’s gift will happen naturally and that I should just enjoy the girl-time for what it was.

Lucy loves avocados as much as I do and so our dinner was going to be an avocado salad. Yes, my love affair with avocados continues. Below is a list of the ingredients we used for what turned out to be one of the yummiest salads I’ve ever had. It is light, easy to make and absolutely “customisable”

Avocado & Feta Salad

You will need:
2 ripe avocados
4 cups chopped romaine lettuce
3 tomatoes, chopped
2 green sweet peppers, diced into bite-sized pieces
2 apples, chopped
2 cilantro leaves, chopped
¼ cup chives, chopped
½ cup of crumbled feta
½ cup chopped walnuts
1 lime

For dressing:
4 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
2 teaspoons olive oil


Directions:
Cut avocados in half and remove pits, dice and add to salad bowl.
Add lettuce, tomatoes, cilantro, sweet peppers and chives.
Toss and chill.

Combine all ingredients for dressing, whisk briskly.

When you’re ready to serve: top with apples, feta and walnuts.

Drizzle with dressing.

This made about 5 servings.

Salad Tip: Put some lime juice on the chopped apples, this will keep it from getting brown.

Today’s gift? I did the dishes and cleaned up after our dinner!