Be nice to me. I gave blood today.

Well not today today but this is what is says on the sticker the nurse gives me when I’m finished “giving” blood. Today’s prompt asks what was the last donation you made and my last “donation” was on September 26th, the afternoon before I left for my NYC/DC vacation. So what had happened was…

My first time giving blood was for a friend’s mother who had to have major surgery and she needed blood. I’ve been donating pretty much every year since. I have a rule though…I don’t withdraw what I have in the “bank” for non-family members. For friends and friends of friends who are in need of blood, I usually visit the bank and have them take the blood and then donate that pint to that person. This way I always ensure I have a stock for my family and myself. Most people only realize the importance of blood donation until it affects them. *steps off of soap box for a bit*

While I’ve been a blood donor since 2001…the needle…the blood…the blood coming out of my arm still freaks me out. It’s quite an ordeal every six months. Yes siree. So it helps a lot that The Blood Bank has a mobile unit and they visit my office every six months, it is comfortable and familiar there. The nurse who usually does the actual “needle-sticking” and who I’ve grown accustomed to for more than a decade had major surgery earlier this year and has since retired. SOOO imagine my nerves when I realized it was going to be a someone new. A stranger who is not familiar with how finicky my veins are…which arm is best to use and generally understands that I need some extra attention because I’m a big baby until the needle is out of my arm.

For the last 12 years or so I’ve been using the vein which runs almost to the edge of the inside of my elbow. This vein has been used so much there are little needle point scars in that area. The veins on my left arm have always been tricky…either too small, not stable enough or in danger of collapsing…just typing “vein in danger of collapsing” has me feeling faint. But I will forge ahead…my trusty vein on my right hand was pumped and ready.

Then the nurse said that she just couldn’t use it because it wasn’t coming to the surface. In my mind I was like…YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOING and I’m going to die on the 16th Floor having bled to death because of your incompetence. Dramatic I know…but hey giving blood is freaking dramatic for me. So she preps my left arm. The arm I’ve NEVER used before. The arm with the tiny veins…that are shaped funny that can OH.MY.GOD.COLLAPSE!!!

I’m hyperventilating at this point. She’s like relax….you will be fine. Deep breaths. I see her with needle in hand ready to stick. And I’m like you better focus on what you’re doing and STOP telling me to relax. I look away and…I…I…I don’t feel a thing! The needle is in and I didn’t feel a thing. But guess what, I worked myself into such a frenzy thinking about her making me bleed to death because she is using a new vein, I started feeling light-headed.

So much drama…she ended up having to tilt my chair backward…so that I was lying down. Blood started flowing again…and I was eventually feeling okay…embarrassed but okay. A little over twenty-five minutes later…I was done. She took the needle out and once again I didn’t feel a thing. I learned that day that the new and unfamiliar are not to be feared. That was the first time I didn’t feel the needle at all and that was the fastest I’ve ever filled the pint. That nurse got skills!

Of course the drama didn’t end there. Like I said at the beginning of the post I gave blood the afternoon before I was heading off on vacation. I mentioned to the nurse that I had an early morning flight and she suggested strongly that I get a good night’s sleep. Long story short…I never got to bed that night. So when I got the airport I felt dead on my feet. I bought a cup of coffee to keep me awake. BAD.EFFING.IDEA. No sleep after giving blood meant my body was working overtime…then to have caffeine on top of that…my poor heart was in overdrive. I started feeling ill even before we boarded.

By the time I was seated I knew I was going to be sick. As soon as the plane started moving I felt like I was going to pass out. It was freaking scary. Thankfully when I told the stewardess that I was feeling sick and why she immediately sprung into action. She made a cold compress for me and made me drink some very sweet juice. By the time the seat belt light was off I was feeling better. Thank you Jesus! Yep I felt like an idiot for not listening to the advice from the nurse and then compounding my error by having coffee…Upside is that I learned my lesson well. The hard way but…well.

*steps onto soap box once again* Here is my plug for blood donation:

People need to be more proactive about donating blood and not wait for something to happen to realize the importance of it. Don’t wait until someone close to you is injured and in need of blood to donate. Giving blood is really about community, and helping each other. According to the Ministry of Health, Trinidad & Tobago needs at least 65,000 units of blood annually yet only about 20,000 units are donated annually.

Also not everyone who volunteers can donate. For example people with hypertension or low iron are not eligible. You can read more about eligibility and where you can donate here.

Did you know that one pint of donated blood can save up to three lives? Blood donation is a trauma I willingly go through because blood is life. There will come a point in my life when I wont be able to give for any number of reasons. And let’s face it, life happens. I don’t want anybody close to me to be in need and I not be in a position to help. So I need to be prepared and do it while I still can.

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I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo Challenge for the month of December:

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You can read some awesome entries here: NaBloPoMo December.

Wordless Wednesday

Keeping it real

Paulo Coelho

I straddle the line of how much is too much of me, to let the world see…however, as I come to the end of my year of “Truth” I might as well just put it all out there. Right?

Today’s prompt asks: Do you give people more than what they ask for, or do you leave them wanting more? And I had a major AHA-moment thinking about this prompt today. Truth is I think I give more than what people ask for or expect because it’s a form of control.

. Giving is a form of power. But letting in Love, letting in abundance, letting in all the things I truly want is scary because I could risk getting hurt. – Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

Hi. My name is Vernette and I’m a control freak.

Giving is so much easier than receiving. I will give you my time, love and attention (which to me is one and the same, after all Time spelt another way is Love)…because this I can control. But when it comes to me allowing you to “give” same…I have a hard time with this. “You” giving to me is out of my control. “You” being anybody in my inner and outer circle. I don’t know what to do with this sometimes and it usually leaves me lonely and sad because I feel like I’m not being seen. But sometimes I just don’t know how to articulate what I need. This is funny because I can write and write and write some more about it. But to say the words out loud…whole other story.

You know it’s as basic as not being able to receive a simple compliment and just say “thank you”. I observed this today. My co-workers were still on the company Christmas Dinner high and people said nice things about how I looked on the night and not once did I respond with a simple “thank you.” Not once. I deflected each compliment away from myself. Because the sick thing is…even though I know I looked damn good (yes…I’m saying it myself) it was easier to give them a compliment instead, rather than allow them in enough to “give” to me.

I should be on a therapist couch somewhere…

Anyhoo, I’ve been keeping up with the daily blogging but I have wondered about the quality of posts over the course of the month. I wonder if at the end of this journey I’ll feel like architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe and say, “Less is more”.

Am I boring you yet?<— she asks after just dedicating a post to NOT allowing people in.

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I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo Challenge for the month of December:

NaBloPoMo_MoreLess

You can read some awesome entries here: NaBloPoMo December.

My One Word

14 days left in 2013?! Where did the time go??? It seems like just yesterday I was deciding on the One Word I would focus on for 2013.

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At the beginning of this year I set the intention that TRUTH was going to guide all my actions, words and decisions. Looking back now…I can say with satisfaction that I have truly been living my “one word” – TRUTH.

Truth has been at the centre of all my relationships, interactions and how I love myself. And I am truly grateful for having this “one word” to focus on.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about myself over last 12 months is that it’s okay to take a “time-out” so that I can get closer to how I truly feel and to understand better what is happening in my mind and body. By taking a simple time-out I was able to tap into how I really feel about situations, people and this life I am creating for myself moment to moment. I have learned how to align this truth to my actions and so my experiences have been more authentic and this has made a huge difference in how I perceive the world I live in.

As I come to the almost end of my journey with my one little word for 2013, I can say that I feel more confident that I live, walk and love my truth! Yes there are still some situations where I feel like I am not being my 100% authentic self but this is also part of the truth I had to face within myself:

I am a work-in-progress. I wont get it right all the time but I am working to get it right most of the time.

What else have I learned?

    1. Always speak the truth. Duhh!
    2. Keep my heart open.
    3. Forgive. Let go. Love.
    4. Saying “I love you” is empowering. It’s freeing. Love is freedom…in all my relationships.
    5. Freedom is being honest.
    6. My Truth may not always be pretty or what people want to hear…but it has to be expressed. Only then can I be truly free to be me.
    7. I must accept TRUTH when it presents itself to me. I must be open to the TRUTH in others and allow that truth to be expressed. Especially when it’s not what I want to hear. I must accept truth as it is. Not how I wish it to be.

So what did you focus on in 2013?

Would you consider your own “One Word” for 2014?

I already have mine! Which of course I cannot wait to share with everyone.

It can be something tangible or intangible. It can be a thought, a feeling, an action, or a character trait. Your word will be a reminder, a nudge. Something you can reflect on, that will challenge you, that will inspire you.

Your word can be anything you want it to be. All that matters is that it has personal meaning for you.

This is your word. It needs to resonate with your heart, no one else’s. ~ One Word 365

This is the “resolution revolution” taking place over at One Word 365.

I would love to hear about your “One Word” if you had one for 2013 and what the journey was like for you. If you didn’t have one would you consider choosing just one word for 2014?

Live your Truth

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