VernetteOutLoud

Day 19 – Employing Presence

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give from the heart.

Lately, I’ve been chronically late for work. I know it’s because there is a lot going on inside of me. My birthday is coming up, that usually brings reflections on where I am and where I’m going and why I’m not further along. My mother’s 2 year anniversary is a week away. I think about her all the time. I miss her so much. My lateness is a combination of all that coupled with insomnia and a general I-don’t-feel-like-going-to-work-today-ness.

Today was no different. I got to work a few minutes late. As I was walking through the doors of my building, I felt a pang of guilt for not putting the needs of the company for which I am paid just enough to keep me coming back, before my own. I decided that today, I was going to view my work and my co-workers through eyes of love and compassion. This is hard most times because my department is a melting pot of personalities, mine included. Usually I slip into a let’s just get this over with mode. But the more I thought about it, is the more I realized that life is in the details. And work was part of those details. I was still coming off the high of the Nariva Hike and it really got me thinking about work in the context of my life. The time I spent at the office with these people I barely know or care to know, made up a third of my day. I needed to be more present to this experience that affords me the opportunity to experience things like Nariva and Jamaica and Green Smoothies.

So I set about being more mindful as the day progressed. There is a report outstanding, which our IT department is working on delivering. In the meantime, my unit still had to present something to Senior Management. Over the weekend a solution occurred to me and when I got to work I decided to test it and it worked. Sharing this bit of information with my supervisor would mean working overtime to get this interim report done.

I shared it with him anyway, because I wanted to clear the bad energy from my lateness, my disdain for my co-workers and my general apathy of late during time I spend in my office building. I wanted to complete this project and I wanted to do something positive for my unit. Yes, technically it wasn’t my “job”, but I felt so much better when the report was completed and presented, despite having to work late to complete it. There was a certain satisfaction and pride when I did; I think my intention was accomplished.

Day 18 – Patience

Today’s Affirmation:

Today I give with love

Late nights and early mornings, make for a very interesting day. Lucy and I had to meet the rest of our tour group for 5 a.m. for a sunrise kayak and nature walk in Nariva Swamp. However, a friend of mine was picking us up. The original meeting time was 4:15, which turned into 4:30 but was actually 4:50. It required a lot of willpower not to hurry my friend up when the tour leader called to say, he was already on his way. My mantra for the day was: It’s all happening perfectly.

We had three stops on the way, which of course resulted in further delays. We finally met the tour leader at 5:30 but we still had to wait for the kayak man. More patience. Finally, we were on our way just as the sun was rising. It was simply breath-taking driving along the coast in Manzanilla and watching the first rays of morning over the tops of the coconut trees.

We stopped at a very humble looking house just off the main road to the right. We were here.

Nariva Swamp is declared a Ramsar Site. The Ramsar Convention is an international convention for the protection of wetlands of international importance. Nariva is the largest freshwater wetland in Trinidad and Tobago, which a vast array of habitats and wildlife. The swamp comes alive with the first rays of light, hence the early start.

Our tour Leader Courtenay Rooks is a National Geographic Naturalist. His tour was over-subscribed so he gave us a choice of kayaking or boating in. Lucy wanted to take pix so I opted to stay in the boat with her. It’s a 30-minute kayak into the swamp and then you get to Bush Bush, a land peninsular that juts out into Nariva Swamp and which is home to Red Howler and White-Fronted Capuchin Monkeys. The boat should be less than half that…that is…if the boat returns. So those of us left behind for the second boat trip had a test in patience, which I’m afraid I failed. But the bright side was that we discovered a Doudouce mango tree and well had our fill.

The boat arrived and we were off into a world of mangrove, palm trees and lots and lots of crabs. When we were back on land once again, we were greeted by a wooden structure or house which started and ended the trails. Now, Courtenay said walk with insect repellant. What Courtenay didn’t say was that you should wash your clothes in insect repellant, bathe in it, lotion up with it and then come on this tour. Mosquitos are everywhere and they bite through your clothes.

White-Fronted Capuchin Monkey, Bush Bush, Nariva Swamp

The trail is lush and green. The smell of nature is everywhere, the musky odour of porcupine, the mustiness of monkey urine, the greenness of the place. Tropical Forest dominates the area. It’s sensory overload.

Trail Walking in Bush Bush, Nariva Swamp, Trinidad. Photos: Lucy Masters

And then…MONKEYS!!! Bush Bush is a flat wide trail which makes it easy to spot them. The White-Fronted Capuchins were in the trees all around us. They were curious about us too, they kept coming closer. It was amazing. We saw some Howlers high up in the branches. We heard them too and let me tell you…it is one of the spookiest things ever. We saw a Toucan and we only smelled the porcupine.

The trails were nice and cool so you didn’t feel the morning sun. But after exploring the forest for about 2 hrs, our tummies were rumbling and it was soon time to leave. Going back the way we came, Lucy and I were on the first boat trip out.

Bush Bush, Nariva Swamp

We were absolutely looking forward to lunch in Plum Mitan. Another place I’ve never been to in Trinidad. Unfortunately, the boat had engine problems and this delayed our departure by an hour and half. PATIENCE.

We eventually had to leave Courtenay behind and head to Plum Mitan. Another long drive but thankfully the Sooknanans who are great friends of Courtenay’s were ready and waiting. They prepared a mouth-watering buss-up-shut country-style curry lunch for us. And boy did we eat. I had lunch on a banana leaf. Was YUMMY!!!

The after effects of Curry

Curry Aftermath or as we say in Trinidad “Ethnic Malaise”

It was a great day. I discovered a part of my island I have never been to before. I had curry in Plum Mitan. And I had some lessons in Patience. Today’s gift, you guessed it, patience. I know that everything is happening in its own time at the perfect pace. Sometimes we have to tap into nature’s patient pace to learn that.

Day 17 – A bed to lay your head

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with joy

Today was a day of chores. I’ve been neglecting my apartment for a while, it was long overdue some loving. It was night time before I realised I didnt have an opportunity all day to give a gift. I was preparing for my friend Lucy, who was coming over because we had a very early morning planned for tomorrow. We were going on a Hike and Kayak Tour in Nariva Swamp. I’ve never been there before, neither has Lucy.

I needed to find an opportunity to give soon, or I’d be back at Day 1 tomorrow. By the time Lucy got to my spot, I decided what the gift would be. She was gonna have the bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa. It’s a bed too and I wanted to try it anyway.

Coming up with this gift, brought back a lot memories of my childhood, like being forced to take naps and praying before we went to bed. I couldnt believe that after all these years I still remember the first prayer my mother taught me:

Gentle Jesus,and mild meek, look upon this little child, pity my simplicity, suffer me to come to thee.

I’m thinking about my mother a lot, I can find a memory in everything. Time for bed. Turns out the sofa bed is quite comfy!

Day 16 – A little something to eat

Today’s affirmation:

Show me how I can give enough today to solve a problem.

I’m at the halfway point of this 29-Gift journey and I still find myself focusing on my “lack” and not my abundance. I worry that I don’t have enough for me and if I’m a fraud for even starting on this journey. Doubt can eat you alive sometimes. To counteract this doubt I need to renew my faith in what I’m doing. Insomnia gives me time to think, sometimes too much time but I did come up with a new approach for today’s gift, hence the affirmation.

Focus on solving a problem. Trying to come up with a solution to someone else’s problem should get my mind off my own. I was gonna have to be on the lookout all day for opportunities in problem solving. My work day is very routine, so my problem-solving skills will be put to the test.

A co-worker has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. The problem: What can we do or how can we/I help? Now this is something close to my heart; my mother had Ovarian Cancer. Help at this time can be anything from time, soup, tissues, and a drive to the doctor’s office and most definitely money. How do I get everyone at the office involved in a fundraiser? My department loves to have a reason for an “Eat-up” so I figured something involving food.

The solution: a breakfast fundraiser. Not too expensive, everyone can contribute and we wouldn’t have to walk around with donation sheets. The planning has started.

After the high of solving this problem, there wasn’t anything else around that needed my super-duper problem-solving skill set. So I got on with the work at hand and hoped I’d have another opportunity before the day was over to solve another problem.

On the way to the taxi stand after work, busy talking my head off with my friend, affirmation long forgotten; only problem at hand was: Not having to wait long for a car. This guy walks along side me and quietly asks if I could buy him something to eat. I was so caught up in my conversation I didn’t hear him clearly at first and I was ahead of him a bit, when he asked again.

I stopped and turned and asked my friend to stay with me. Conveniently, his request was made just in front of a food vendor. I thought about the fact that I only had $100 to last me until pay-day which is a whole week away. I really needed to go to the grocery and that $100 was gonna have to turn into 5 loaves and 2 fish if it was going to stretch until next week, doing grocery shopping and commuting. In 5 seconds I thought about my “lack”; if I had a sign visible only to the hungry that I was an easy target and that here is a problem I can solve right now.

The problem: hungry guy needs food.
The solution: I have money right now; I can bless it and buy him the food.

So I told him to order what he wanted, the lady behind the counter looked at him as if she was going to turn him away. I mouthed to her that I was going to pay for what he wanted. He was specific, rice and peas and a salad. He didn’t even ask for meat. I thought, wow doesn’t he realise I’m paying; he could have ordered whatever he wanted. I asked him if he might like a drink and that he should get something. He asked for a Sprite.

My budget has just dwindled to $70. The guy apologizes and thanks me for the meal. I asked him to please eat it and that he didn’t have to apologise for being hungry.

I thanked my girl-friend for staying with me, because well you just never know. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have three moments of panic about the money. Still, I blessed it and got a car for home. Everytime I feel like I dont have enough, I find myself in a place where have I to live with even less. And I do. And I’m ok. Not an easy lesson.

Day 15 – Kisses

Would you like a kiss?

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give from the heart.

My insomnia is back. Truth be told, it never really left. Sleep, when I do get it, is not very restful so I’ve been feeling rundown a lot lately. As a result, my morning routine is rushed and I’ve been finding that I forget to say my affirmation before I even leave my bed. All that to say, I forgot to start my day with an affirmation and it may be just in my head, but I’m finding that my thoughts feel scattered and unfocused when I don’t do the affirmation first thing. It’s a struggle to remember it during the course of the day.

Today is one of those scattered thoughts days. It’s a struggle to focus at work, far less to be mindful of giving.

We have a tradition at the office, if someone goes on vacation, when they return they usually bring chocolates to share with everyone. A co-worker and friend had just returned from vacay and brought Hershey’s Kisses for everyone. At first I thought it might have been just a three or four, but when I got my “package” it was a quite a lot…enough to share.Thank you tradition.

Disclaimer: stop reading now if you don’t want to read the puns.

Was this a test God? I’ve been faithful to my lifestyle change and not given in to the demands of my sweet tooth. Then, bam! You send me an envelope full of little chocolate kisses. I mean, seriously, you can’t have just one kiss…right?!

To save myself the grief of the scale on Monday, I was gonna have to share these kisses around. A kiss for everyone I meet until I have none left. Tough work, but I can smile and give ‘em.

Of course, my opening was, “hey, would you like a kiss?” BIG SMILE. Hand over Hershey’s Kiss. “There you go.” HUGE SMILE.

I feel like a rock star because I realised two things doing this: 1. everyone wants a kiss and 2. people are greedy. Most fun I’ve had on this journey yet.