VernetteOutLoud

BBQ: Flaws and All

Flaws

When Leah posted this on Monday, therein was the one line I needed to read that day and it stayed with me for the rest of the week.

I know that I have many..many flaws. There are those I freely admit to – my temper, I cannot stand people sometimes, I cuss…a lot. And there are those I keep hidden from you. Those closest to me…know the ones I’m talking about.

Leah’s words resonated so much with me, that they inspired this post. When you’re hurting or doubting yourself…or just in a eff-this-ish kinda place, you need some simple truth.

You are enough. Flaws and all.

Don’t be afraid to show the world exactly who you are.

Leah is another one of my favourite bloggers and she is also the author of Red Circle Days. You can read my review of this little gem here. She’s fond of words – a lady after my own heart and you can read more about her on her blog Little Miss Wordy.

_________________________________________________________

I’m participating in this wonderful series created by Kozo over at everydaygurus.com If you haven’t heard about it please click here to read more.

BBQ
If you want to be part of this awesomeesauce BBQ, here’s how you do it:

  • Take a quotation from a favourite blogger
  • Create a BBQ post with the quotation
  • Link back to the blogger you quoted
  • Tag your post BBQLUV
  • Link to other BBQLUV posts (optional)

Yup! It’s that simple.

Day 13 – Permission to be flawed

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with joy.

My affirmation today, felt like a lie because joy was the last thing I was feeling. My lessons in forgiveness, are far from over. Since Saturday, I have had something weighing on my mind. I managed til now to convince myself that it wasnt that big of a deal. Boy was I wrong.

Have you ever had a phone call to make, but the more time passes, the easier it gets not to make it? You rationalise why you don’t have to make it, yet you feel guilty because the time that elapses only makes the situation worse? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of business?

I had such a phone call to make. I had to call and apologize and ask for forgiveness. I was afraid to make the call and my inaction was frustrating me. If I am to live my truth and walk in light always, then I should be able to make this phone call. I should be able to feel the fear and do it anyway.

I truly felt ashamed that I wasnt able to deliver on a promise and I didn’t have the cojones to make amends. I was plagued by thoughts about what my friend must think of me now that I didn’t live up to expectations. How do I feel about myself? My integrity is now in question. What if my friend is so upset, she doesn’t even want to speak to me? And if she does hang-up on me, I deserved it didn’t I?

The more I tried not to think about it, the more I felt bad about it. I was beginning to feel like a fraud, here I am on this 29-Gift journey, trying to give of myself to others and I couldn’t even do this one thing. This thing that needed to be done. I finally picked up the phone tonight and dialed. No answer.

The coward in me rejoiced. Oh sweet relief! Now I can say, hey, I tried to call, but there was no answer. See, I made an effort, albeit a half-hearted one.

I managed to convince myself that this was ok…until I got home from work. As soon as I was alone with my thoughts, I decided I couldn’t come here and talk about light and love and there was this “love thing” I was avoiding doing. I simply had to Spartan-up and call again, whatever the consequences. Feeling bad about it and not doing anything, was not going to help me or my friend. So I called.

We spoke. Though she felt disappointed, she accepted my apology. I still feel terrible about the whole situation but I am very glad that I faced my ego and made the call. An apology is like a mirror. When it’s sincere, it is an admission to self that you are human, that you are flawed, you make mistakes, sometimes you disappoint people and yourself. Give yourself and the people in your life the permission to be human.