VernetteOutLoud

Be nice to me. I gave blood today.

Well not today today but this is what is says on the sticker the nurse gives me when I’m finished “giving” blood. Today’s prompt asks what was the last donation you made and my last “donation” was on September 26th, the afternoon before I left for my NYC/DC vacation. So what had happened was…

My first time giving blood was for a friend’s mother who had to have major surgery and she needed blood. I’ve been donating pretty much every year since. I have a rule though…I don’t withdraw what I have in the “bank” for non-family members. For friends and friends of friends who are in need of blood, I usually visit the bank and have them take the blood and then donate that pint to that person. This way I always ensure I have a stock for my family and myself. Most people only realize the importance of blood donation until it affects them. *steps off of soap box for a bit*

While I’ve been a blood donor since 2001…the needle…the blood…the blood coming out of my arm still freaks me out. It’s quite an ordeal every six months. Yes siree. So it helps a lot that The Blood Bank has a mobile unit and they visit my office every six months, it is comfortable and familiar there. The nurse who usually does the actual “needle-sticking” and who I’ve grown accustomed to for more than a decade had major surgery earlier this year and has since retired. SOOO imagine my nerves when I realized it was going to be a someone new. A stranger who is not familiar with how finicky my veins are…which arm is best to use and generally understands that I need some extra attention because I’m a big baby until the needle is out of my arm.

For the last 12 years or so I’ve been using the vein which runs almost to the edge of the inside of my elbow. This vein has been used so much there are little needle point scars in that area. The veins on my left arm have always been tricky…either too small, not stable enough or in danger of collapsing…just typing “vein in danger of collapsing” has me feeling faint. But I will forge ahead…my trusty vein on my right hand was pumped and ready.

Then the nurse said that she just couldn’t use it because it wasn’t coming to the surface. In my mind I was like…YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOING and I’m going to die on the 16th Floor having bled to death because of your incompetence. Dramatic I know…but hey giving blood is freaking dramatic for me. So she preps my left arm. The arm I’ve NEVER used before. The arm with the tiny veins…that are shaped funny that can OH.MY.GOD.COLLAPSE!!!

I’m hyperventilating at this point. She’s like relax….you will be fine. Deep breaths. I see her with needle in hand ready to stick. And I’m like you better focus on what you’re doing and STOP telling me to relax. I look away and…I…I…I don’t feel a thing! The needle is in and I didn’t feel a thing. But guess what, I worked myself into such a frenzy thinking about her making me bleed to death because she is using a new vein, I started feeling light-headed.

So much drama…she ended up having to tilt my chair backward…so that I was lying down. Blood started flowing again…and I was eventually feeling okay…embarrassed but okay. A little over twenty-five minutes later…I was done. She took the needle out and once again I didn’t feel a thing. I learned that day that the new and unfamiliar are not to be feared. That was the first time I didn’t feel the needle at all and that was the fastest I’ve ever filled the pint. That nurse got skills!

Of course the drama didn’t end there. Like I said at the beginning of the post I gave blood the afternoon before I was heading off on vacation. I mentioned to the nurse that I had an early morning flight and she suggested strongly that I get a good night’s sleep. Long story short…I never got to bed that night. So when I got the airport I felt dead on my feet. I bought a cup of coffee to keep me awake. BAD.EFFING.IDEA. No sleep after giving blood meant my body was working overtime…then to have caffeine on top of that…my poor heart was in overdrive. I started feeling ill even before we boarded.

By the time I was seated I knew I was going to be sick. As soon as the plane started moving I felt like I was going to pass out. It was freaking scary. Thankfully when I told the stewardess that I was feeling sick and why she immediately sprung into action. She made a cold compress for me and made me drink some very sweet juice. By the time the seat belt light was off I was feeling better. Thank you Jesus! Yep I felt like an idiot for not listening to the advice from the nurse and then compounding my error by having coffee…Upside is that I learned my lesson well. The hard way but…well.

*steps onto soap box once again* Here is my plug for blood donation:

People need to be more proactive about donating blood and not wait for something to happen to realize the importance of it. Don’t wait until someone close to you is injured and in need of blood to donate. Giving blood is really about community, and helping each other. According to the Ministry of Health, Trinidad & Tobago needs at least 65,000 units of blood annually yet only about 20,000 units are donated annually.

Also not everyone who volunteers can donate. For example people with hypertension or low iron are not eligible. You can read more about eligibility and where you can donate here.

Did you know that one pint of donated blood can save up to three lives? Blood donation is a trauma I willingly go through because blood is life. There will come a point in my life when I wont be able to give for any number of reasons. And let’s face it, life happens. I don’t want anybody close to me to be in need and I not be in a position to help. So I need to be prepared and do it while I still can.

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I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo Challenge for the month of December:

NaBloPoMo_MoreLess

You can read some awesome entries here: NaBloPoMo December.

Day 29 – Sometimes simple is best

Today’s affirmation:

Today, I come to the end of this journey, help me make today’s gift count!

Has it been 29 days already? When I first started this journey, 29 days seemed like a long time, but here I am on Day 29 and I’m surprised at how fast the time went. I really wanted today’s gift to be something grand, something WOW to truly end this journey in style. The universe had other plans.

Today’s gift was simple. A friend of mine needed a listening ear and some advice. That was it. I will end this journey with some reminders on just how simple life can really be.

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing. — Oscar Wilde

Why complicate life?
Missing somebody?…Call
Wanna meet up?…Invite
Wanna be understood?…Explain
Have questions?…Ask
Don’t like something?…Say it
Like something?…State it
Want something?…Ask for it
Love someone?…Tell it
People aren’t mind readers and we won’t live forever.
– Anon

Day 28 – Breakfast for a Cause

Breaking those chains with LOVE

Today’s Affirmation

Today I give as freely as I can.

Today’s affirmation wasnt very creative because today my country celebrates Emancipation Day.

Just a brief history on Emancipation: The Emancipation Bill was presented in Parliament by Thomas Buxton in 1833 and the Act came into effect on August 1, 1834. On August 1, 1985, Trinidad and Tobago became the first country in the world to declare a national holiday to commemorate the abolition of slavery. The Emancipation Support Committee of Trinidad and Tobago was founded 20 years and they have been commemorating Emancipation withe public lectures, trade shows, concerts and presentations.

Some 20 years later what is the relevance of our ESC? They are still begging the government for money to the tune of $7 million, so what is their relevance if they cannot be self-sufficient or garner more corporate support or support from the general public? Which begs the question, what does Emancipation mean for the average Trinidadian?

Emancipation Day for me, is usually a time of reflection coming so close after my birthday. I’m usually still in introspection mode so I’m always mindful of the areas in my life where I’m not truly free. Financial freedom remains somewhat elusive, as is the freedom to do the work that makes me truly happy and the freedom to express my true self without fear of who that Vernette is.

Today was no different. Five more months left in the year and I’m re-evaluating where I am and what needs to be done to get me there. Now is as good a time as any to start on some goals, just in time too, as one goal is close to being achieved. Today marks the penultimate day of my 29-Gift journey.

This has been an exercise in freeing my mind and thoughts on what giving truly entails. The most satisfying of my gifts were the intangible ones, the gifts that required I give of myself and my time rather than something material. Today’s gift, was patronizing an Emancipation Breakfast put on by a group of ladies raising funds for the Cyril Ross Nursery. I will admit, the only reason I took the ticket initially, which was given to me before I started my 29-Day journey, was because the Nursery is important in maintaining the health of the thirty-five children in their care ensuring that they get the best attention and Antiretroviral medication, which they must take.

Freedom means something totally different to these children. Looking at this breakfast fundraiser 29 days later, through different eyes, I decided to give a small donation along with the cost of the ticket. For me, this is not about the money but what this money means in the context of the best care for these children. That’s the intangible stuff I’m talking about. I will never know how far my donation will go towards helping the Nursery make the lives of these children just a little bit easier and that for me cannot be measured.

Day 25 – Counting my blessings

Today”s Affirmation:

Today I live and walk in truth.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else – Erma Bombeck

Today, I am still in turmoil. I feel like I’m back to square one in terms of my emotional progress. Usually, when I feel overwhelmed I either want to be alone or I seek the company of my sister. She is one of my best friends and always gives me the unvarnished truth about my situations. Spending time with her always improves my moods.

I completely unburdened myself to her. I didn’t hold anything back. And there was no judgement. When we walk in truth and light, there is nothing but love. And when we show people who we really are, yes it makes us vulnerable, but it also empowers us. This is who we are and that is all there is. No pretense. Walking in truth, emboldens us in all aspects of our life. Being true and real and showing ourselves as we truly are helps us grow towards an authentic life and that should be the only way we want to live.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I know this adds to my sadness. All this confusion and sadness was impacting on my gift-giving as well. I couldn’t focus on gift giving, when I was thinking only about myself. But the opportunity to give still presented itself. A friend of mine called me up and suggested that we go out for a bit. I decided that this will be my gift. I will take this opportunity to give my time despite how low I was feeling. Turned out being out, being out helped my mood a bit. I am certainly grateful for my sister and the blessing of my friend.

Day 24 – Drowning in Love

Sinking Ship

I will go down with this ship

Today’s affirmation:

My heart is wounded and my mind is muddled, help me find healing in giving today.

I’m pretty much going through the motions today. I had to be at work on a Saturday, so that does not improve my mood. Big Love is on my mind. The words of this song was all I could think of:

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
– Dido

You will see me write this over and over, “BIG love is never easy”. That’s because it is hard to find and when you do…that’s not the end of it, it takes work. HARD WORK! Loving someone is easily the best gift you can give. You can choose to be cynical about it, fear it, underestimate it or you can be open to it and share it with the world. Speaking your true feelings is scary as hell and while it makes you vulnerable, it also empowers you. When you speak your truth, when you walk in the light, there is nothing but love. The downside is when you speak your truth and the person you’re speaking it to is not ready to hear it.

Rejection is not easy. It can leave you questioning everything. It’s hard in the thick of hurting to be conscious to the fact that the rejection is about the other person. Not you. They are preventing love. They have closed themselves off from receiving that which you want to give. They must want it. You cannot love them enough to change. They must do their own work. All you can control is how you deal with you and your emotions. You have to do your own work. Speak your truth always. Love yourself enough and when you are ready for love, it will come.

So I had all this on my mind and really wasnt feeling for company but my sister insisted I come spend some time with her. I decided that will be my gift. Spending time with her, turned into a family get-together at a beach house. Being around my family, reminded me that there is real love in my life. And that’s all that matters really, the love that we do have.