VernetteOutLoud

Day 11 – The gift for Forgiveness

It’s amazing what sleep does for the body. After my visit to the home for the aged, I came home and slept for almost 6 hours straight. Got up for about an hour and then went right back to sleep. I woke up this morning refreshed and feeling much better than I have in ages. My body really needed some rest.

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give and forgive.

This theme has been recurring all around me for last few days or so. Forgiveness. Grief. Letting Go. Moving on.

Now, when I started this 29-day journey, I had hoped each day, the opportunity to give a gift would present itself naturally, that I’d just know in my heart and spirit what felt right as that day’s gift. Today, however, I am home, the TV is on. I have no idea what or how the opportunity for a gift will present itself. But today is a special day.

One of my god-son’s (I have 3) is celebrating his birthday. My friends all know how much I love birthdays. I think that our presence here on this earth is indeed a present and another year of life should be celebrated. God chose this time in our history to bless this earth with your story…it is a very big deal. So to not be able to celebrate this milestone with him (he’s now a whole hand) hurts on a level I cannot explain. You see his mother and I are no longer friends.

Now some may say this should not affect the child. And I agree. It does not affect the love I have for him. However, I do know that I can love him from afar. It was a difficult decision, one that was in the making over the course of two years. There comes a time though, when we have to take stock of our friendships and take back our power in love. Some friendships drag you down and drain your energy. We hold on anyway because of loyalty, I refuse to say love, because caring about someone is not about martyrdom. Let go we must, for our own growth. This is not an easy thing to do especially with friendships that span years and bonds that are sometimes stronger than family.

I knew how I chose to deal with today, would determine if I’m truly done with this friendship. I chose not to call or message. Instead I chose to light a candle, say a prayer and wish my god-son all the light and love I could. Forgiveness can only happen through grieving and letting go. I have forgiven my friend for not valuing our friendship. I had a lot of grief about how things went down. But I know today started the letting go process. I’m not going to judge her process. I’m going to let the past be the past. We both have some growing to do and I will only do what I can with what I can control. How I react to things.

One day I hope I will have the chance to explain to my godson why I chose to deal with this the way I did. I pray that he understands and forgives me.

Day 9 – The gift of Gratitude

Saying “Thank You” is important.

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with gratitude.

Yesterday, I decided what today’s gift was gonna be. After giving blood at our local Blood Bank, I decided to walk from Charlotte Street back to my office, which is four blocks over and then four blocks up.

I can already hear the tsk tsks, and the didn’t you know betters but in my defense, I’ve done this before, ran away at lunch time, gave blood and then walked back to the office and was perfectly fine.

However, it was different this time. VERY different!

On the way down the street, I stopped by an Avocado vendor, bought one (my sister requested that I come up with an Avocado Smoothie just for her)…all the while thinking, you’re feeling kinda queasy, Vernette.

But I shrugged it off, thinking the office wasn’t that far away. I could make it. Then this homeless guy stopped me, begging for something to eat. I couldn’t pass him…because the heat was getting to me too. So I stopped in at a mini-mart and got him something to drink. Maybe I should have gotten something for myself as well but I foolishly stoically continued walking in the heat which was now beginning to stifle me.

By the time I got to Pennywise (a local one-stop to get all your personal care items) which is one block down, I was feeling light-headed and seeing spots. There was a roaring in my head and I could tell a black-out was coming on. I quickly told the one of the cashiers that I needed to sit because I was about to black-out. I think they saw my panic and chalky look and immediately went into action.

The staff really took good care of me. They didn’t waste any time, they found me a seat behind the counter and brought me some Limacol (a soothing astringent). Two of them fanned me continuously, because cold sweats were taking over. I’m so grateful for all that care. I was in real danger of this happening in the street and it would not have ended this way at all.

I cannot help but feel thankful, grateful, humbled by the thought, that maybe some of the love I sent out into the universe during the last week was coming back to me in this moment, when I truly needed help. When my friend asked for a blood donation yesterday, I was quick to thank God and the universe for sending me a creative way to give a gift. And now I say thank you again to God and the universe for blessing me with compassionate strangers who didn’t hesitate to help me.

To the Staff at Pennywise Cosmetics on Charlotte St, thank you for your compassion and kindness. Especially to Hema Cassie, who really went out of her way, during one of their busiest periods in the store to ensure that I was ok. Hema and another one of her co-workers fanned me, talked to me during the ordeal and made sure I stayed alert, she called my sister and waited with me, until a Chauffeur from the office came to get me. A million times thank you. Today, my gift is a small token of gratitude for their kindness and compassion. I am sending a card to the staff and flowers especially to Hema.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.