VernetteOutLoud

Day 21 – Solidarity

Today’s prayer and affirmation:

Today I surrender to my heart. Teach me to be patient. I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be.

My friend Narisa is fasting for the month of Ramadan. I decided to join her in her fast today. This is my gift solidarity with my friend during this solemn time.

Fasting, generally speaking is the voluntary avoidance of something that you deem as good. Usually it means restricting what you eat and drink. In my own Roman Catholic tradition, fasting is prayer of the body. It is a spiritual discipline that takes you on a journey to tame the body so you can focus on God. Fasting is also a way of doing penance for past excesses. Lent is the most popular period of fasting for Catholics; it is the 40 days before Easter Sunday. Prayer, fasting and almsgiving go hand in hand.

Reading up on Ramadan I realized that it teaches you patience. My friend Narisa further explained that patience and perseverance are fundamental teachings in the Qu’ran. You are called to restrict food and drink, this includes water. You eat before the sun rises and break fast when it sets.

I chose to do this fast for three reasons: My friend is doing this great thing, which after doing it for a day, I have a new respect for her; I wanted to reflect on my own lack of patience and to focus my thoughts inward and meditate on my path and to break this thraldom to my body and get in touch with my spirit. I got up early like I planned and had what I call an “Ultimate Green Smoothie” because I put oatmeal, flax seeds and lots of other good stuff in it. I had 2 glasses of water. Then I said some prayers and started today’s posts.

I was fine until I got to work. The coffee smells were playing with my mind. By 10 I was thinking to myself, why, oh why did I agree to do this? In my Catholic tradition, I could have some water at least. But in this tradition, you have nothing to eat or drink during the fast. I was sleepy all day, probably because of the early morning. But I made it through with prayer and mindfulness and lots of encouragement from Narisa. Needless to say, when I had that first sip of ice-cold water when I broke fast it never tasted so good.

I will do this fast again. My birthday is coming up and I’ve decided that this year I will be giving instead of waiting to receive. I want to prepare my mind and body as I enter a new year of life and a new phase of loving.

Day 19 – Employing Presence

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give from the heart.

Lately, I’ve been chronically late for work. I know it’s because there is a lot going on inside of me. My birthday is coming up, that usually brings reflections on where I am and where I’m going and why I’m not further along. My mother’s 2 year anniversary is a week away. I think about her all the time. I miss her so much. My lateness is a combination of all that coupled with insomnia and a general I-don’t-feel-like-going-to-work-today-ness.

Today was no different. I got to work a few minutes late. As I was walking through the doors of my building, I felt a pang of guilt for not putting the needs of the company for which I am paid just enough to keep me coming back, before my own. I decided that today, I was going to view my work and my co-workers through eyes of love and compassion. This is hard most times because my department is a melting pot of personalities, mine included. Usually I slip into a let’s just get this over with mode. But the more I thought about it, is the more I realized that life is in the details. And work was part of those details. I was still coming off the high of the Nariva Hike and it really got me thinking about work in the context of my life. The time I spent at the office with these people I barely know or care to know, made up a third of my day. I needed to be more present to this experience that affords me the opportunity to experience things like Nariva and Jamaica and Green Smoothies.

So I set about being more mindful as the day progressed. There is a report outstanding, which our IT department is working on delivering. In the meantime, my unit still had to present something to Senior Management. Over the weekend a solution occurred to me and when I got to work I decided to test it and it worked. Sharing this bit of information with my supervisor would mean working overtime to get this interim report done.

I shared it with him anyway, because I wanted to clear the bad energy from my lateness, my disdain for my co-workers and my general apathy of late during time I spend in my office building. I wanted to complete this project and I wanted to do something positive for my unit. Yes, technically it wasn’t my “job”, but I felt so much better when the report was completed and presented, despite having to work late to complete it. There was a certain satisfaction and pride when I did; I think my intention was accomplished.

Day 16 – A little something to eat

Today’s affirmation:

Show me how I can give enough today to solve a problem.

I’m at the halfway point of this 29-Gift journey and I still find myself focusing on my “lack” and not my abundance. I worry that I don’t have enough for me and if I’m a fraud for even starting on this journey. Doubt can eat you alive sometimes. To counteract this doubt I need to renew my faith in what I’m doing. Insomnia gives me time to think, sometimes too much time but I did come up with a new approach for today’s gift, hence the affirmation.

Focus on solving a problem. Trying to come up with a solution to someone else’s problem should get my mind off my own. I was gonna have to be on the lookout all day for opportunities in problem solving. My work day is very routine, so my problem-solving skills will be put to the test.

A co-worker has just been diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. The problem: What can we do or how can we/I help? Now this is something close to my heart; my mother had Ovarian Cancer. Help at this time can be anything from time, soup, tissues, and a drive to the doctor’s office and most definitely money. How do I get everyone at the office involved in a fundraiser? My department loves to have a reason for an “Eat-up” so I figured something involving food.

The solution: a breakfast fundraiser. Not too expensive, everyone can contribute and we wouldn’t have to walk around with donation sheets. The planning has started.

After the high of solving this problem, there wasn’t anything else around that needed my super-duper problem-solving skill set. So I got on with the work at hand and hoped I’d have another opportunity before the day was over to solve another problem.

On the way to the taxi stand after work, busy talking my head off with my friend, affirmation long forgotten; only problem at hand was: Not having to wait long for a car. This guy walks along side me and quietly asks if I could buy him something to eat. I was so caught up in my conversation I didn’t hear him clearly at first and I was ahead of him a bit, when he asked again.

I stopped and turned and asked my friend to stay with me. Conveniently, his request was made just in front of a food vendor. I thought about the fact that I only had $100 to last me until pay-day which is a whole week away. I really needed to go to the grocery and that $100 was gonna have to turn into 5 loaves and 2 fish if it was going to stretch until next week, doing grocery shopping and commuting. In 5 seconds I thought about my “lack”; if I had a sign visible only to the hungry that I was an easy target and that here is a problem I can solve right now.

The problem: hungry guy needs food.
The solution: I have money right now; I can bless it and buy him the food.

So I told him to order what he wanted, the lady behind the counter looked at him as if she was going to turn him away. I mouthed to her that I was going to pay for what he wanted. He was specific, rice and peas and a salad. He didn’t even ask for meat. I thought, wow doesn’t he realise I’m paying; he could have ordered whatever he wanted. I asked him if he might like a drink and that he should get something. He asked for a Sprite.

My budget has just dwindled to $70. The guy apologizes and thanks me for the meal. I asked him to please eat it and that he didn’t have to apologise for being hungry.

I thanked my girl-friend for staying with me, because well you just never know. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have three moments of panic about the money. Still, I blessed it and got a car for home. Everytime I feel like I dont have enough, I find myself in a place where have I to live with even less. And I do. And I’m ok. Not an easy lesson.

Day 15 – Kisses

Would you like a kiss?

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give from the heart.

My insomnia is back. Truth be told, it never really left. Sleep, when I do get it, is not very restful so I’ve been feeling rundown a lot lately. As a result, my morning routine is rushed and I’ve been finding that I forget to say my affirmation before I even leave my bed. All that to say, I forgot to start my day with an affirmation and it may be just in my head, but I’m finding that my thoughts feel scattered and unfocused when I don’t do the affirmation first thing. It’s a struggle to remember it during the course of the day.

Today is one of those scattered thoughts days. It’s a struggle to focus at work, far less to be mindful of giving.

We have a tradition at the office, if someone goes on vacation, when they return they usually bring chocolates to share with everyone. A co-worker and friend had just returned from vacay and brought Hershey’s Kisses for everyone. At first I thought it might have been just a three or four, but when I got my “package” it was a quite a lot…enough to share.Thank you tradition.

Disclaimer: stop reading now if you don’t want to read the puns.

Was this a test God? I’ve been faithful to my lifestyle change and not given in to the demands of my sweet tooth. Then, bam! You send me an envelope full of little chocolate kisses. I mean, seriously, you can’t have just one kiss…right?!

To save myself the grief of the scale on Monday, I was gonna have to share these kisses around. A kiss for everyone I meet until I have none left. Tough work, but I can smile and give ‘em.

Of course, my opening was, “hey, would you like a kiss?” BIG SMILE. Hand over Hershey’s Kiss. “There you go.” HUGE SMILE.

I feel like a rock star because I realised two things doing this: 1. everyone wants a kiss and 2. people are greedy. Most fun I’ve had on this journey yet.

Day 14 – Being open to receive

baby steps

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give with creativity.

I think I really need to stop being surprised by the Universe or be more open to the fact that each moment in everyday is an opportunity to choose to let Love in or not. Moment to moment either we Love or we don’t.

As I was leaving home for work this morning, I said very tongue in cheek and out loud, ok Universe, I need your help today. I really want to give creatively. You gotta help me out.

Just as I locked the gate and stepped into the street there was a taxi passing and the driver indicated that he was going my way. Getting in, took some manoeuvering, because I had my handbag, gym bag and travel mug. I hit snooze a few times this morning, which made me late so I had to have my morning smoothie to go.

The driver enquired about all the bags I had with me and if I went to a gym? I said yes and that was all the encouragement he needed. We talked the entire trip. He shared with me some of his history, that diabetes and hypertension runs in his family and he had major surgery a few years ago and because of that he had to leave his 8-4 job, change his lifestyle, start eating clean and exercising more. After getting in one mention about my own lifestyle change and green smoothie, I was content to listen with the murmured uh huhs here and there, learning and soaking up all he had to say.

As we approached the taxi stand, he said that he would drive down to my building since I had all those bags and the mug. I was so grateful, because I was late and getting dropped off at my building would shave off precious minutes. He then asked, why type of milk I used in my smoothie…just the opening I needed to expound about how I use yogurt instead of milk and it’s a very simple and customizable recipe that he should try.

He said to me, that “it’s good to share the good things with others”. I thought it was so poignant and true. Usually, I use my morning commute time to check email, reply to messages and read my daily inspirations, ignoring everyone and everything around me. Today, however, I never looked at my phone once. Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed this random yet insightful conversation about eating better and exercising a little more.

My one regret was that I didn’t get his name but that’s the way this morning was supposed to go. Of course I was happy to not have to walk the four blocks from the taxi stand to my building in high heels. I was extremely thrilled for the opportunity to share a bit about my green smoothie which I love so much. But it was only upon reflection about what happened this morning I understood that being present and open was the gift for today.

This 29-Gift journey is teaching me everyday, to stop and savour the moment. I have to be present to the present to recognize the opportunities to give and to be open to the gifts given to me. Of course all this wisdom came right after I snapped at friend who was only trying to compliment me last night. Sometimes, this journey can really feel like it’s a one step forward, two-steps back dance. But each baby step forward, gets me closer to the authentic me who is better equipped to deal with the eventual two steps back.

You are blocking Love when you don’t let people give to you. Open up and let it in. – Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love.

…and I will add to those words, the more Love you let in, the more Love you will have to give, especially when you enlist help from the Universe.