VernetteOutLoud

Day 25 – Counting my blessings

Today”s Affirmation:

Today I live and walk in truth.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else – Erma Bombeck

Today, I am still in turmoil. I feel like I’m back to square one in terms of my emotional progress. Usually, when I feel overwhelmed I either want to be alone or I seek the company of my sister. She is one of my best friends and always gives me the unvarnished truth about my situations. Spending time with her always improves my moods.

I completely unburdened myself to her. I didn’t hold anything back. And there was no judgement. When we walk in truth and light, there is nothing but love. And when we show people who we really are, yes it makes us vulnerable, but it also empowers us. This is who we are and that is all there is. No pretense. Walking in truth, emboldens us in all aspects of our life. Being true and real and showing ourselves as we truly are helps us grow towards an authentic life and that should be the only way we want to live.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I know this adds to my sadness. All this confusion and sadness was impacting on my gift-giving as well. I couldn’t focus on gift giving, when I was thinking only about myself. But the opportunity to give still presented itself. A friend of mine called me up and suggested that we go out for a bit. I decided that this will be my gift. I will take this opportunity to give my time despite how low I was feeling. Turned out being out, being out helped my mood a bit. I am certainly grateful for my sister and the blessing of my friend.

Day 24 – Drowning in Love

Sinking Ship

I will go down with this ship

Today’s affirmation:

My heart is wounded and my mind is muddled, help me find healing in giving today.

I’m pretty much going through the motions today. I had to be at work on a Saturday, so that does not improve my mood. Big Love is on my mind. The words of this song was all I could think of:

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
– Dido

You will see me write this over and over, “BIG love is never easy”. That’s because it is hard to find and when you do…that’s not the end of it, it takes work. HARD WORK! Loving someone is easily the best gift you can give. You can choose to be cynical about it, fear it, underestimate it or you can be open to it and share it with the world. Speaking your true feelings is scary as hell and while it makes you vulnerable, it also empowers you. When you speak your truth, when you walk in the light, there is nothing but love. The downside is when you speak your truth and the person you’re speaking it to is not ready to hear it.

Rejection is not easy. It can leave you questioning everything. It’s hard in the thick of hurting to be conscious to the fact that the rejection is about the other person. Not you. They are preventing love. They have closed themselves off from receiving that which you want to give. They must want it. You cannot love them enough to change. They must do their own work. All you can control is how you deal with you and your emotions. You have to do your own work. Speak your truth always. Love yourself enough and when you are ready for love, it will come.

So I had all this on my mind and really wasnt feeling for company but my sister insisted I come spend some time with her. I decided that will be my gift. Spending time with her, turned into a family get-together at a beach house. Being around my family, reminded me that there is real love in my life. And that’s all that matters really, the love that we do have.