A close friend asked me if I am lonely these days and her question made me stop and think.
Am I lonely?
Lonely is pining for something you once had, or being upset that you’re cooking for one or that you eat alone every day. Lonely is not being open to adventure because what’s the point when there is no plus one to share it with. Lonely is lack…a need for something that is missing. Lonely is incomplete-ness.
Alone is a choice.
Yes I suck at dating, but it’s not why I choose to be alone at this time.
My heart has taken a couple major hits and I felt used and discarded and then discarded some more, like I was nothing. I felt like in some ways I sat back and willingly let my time be stolen. The investment I made with all of me…was mocked. Frankly, when it comes to men…I’m just never right. I’ve only ever chosen ones who didn’t choose me.
So I need some healing up time. I need to give myself some much-needed TLC. I want this time to just be still in this moment. I want to re-discover who I am and what makes me happy. I’m also learning forgiveness and acceptance.
I know this path I’m on feels right with my soul. I’m learning how to walk comfortably in my own shoes…perhaps for the first time.
I want a Love that satisfies my soul. I want a Love that lights all my “dark” corners. I want a Love that is passionate and I want to not be afraid of that passion. I want to be able to recognize Love when it shows up and be able to cherish it minus baggage when it stays. I want to be whole and healed when Love chooses me. And I feel like this “Alone” time is the bridge to that. I want to be present to this experience of healing because this journey is what will get me from here…to there.
Alone has been an adventure thus far. I am blessed with a cohort of truly awesome friends and a not-so-perfect-and-that’s-just-why-I-love-them family. My nephew will be born soon and I am looking forward to basking in his light. It’s a testament to my state of mind that up until this question made me think about lonely, I never felt like something was missing. I am expanding in my fullness and alone I am becoming more centered…alive…overflowing with Love.
Am I Lonely? No.
I am powerful.
I am happy.
I am free.
I am enough.