It occurred to me when I read today’s daily post prompt that if I fell in the shower or choked on my vomit in my sleep (this would have been two weekends ago though…vodka is a bad bitch) that it would probably be days before anybody knew that I had died or even suspected something was wrong.
I live alone and while I have lots of friends and my family is involved in my life, I am quite independent and I cherish the solitude of home. It’s not unlike me to go a whole weekend home alone, no contact with the outside world. So the first alarm bells would be rung by my office most likely. Or maybe my neighbour. But then I’d have to have bought the farm in the living room and even then it would be because I’d started to smell for them to suspect anything. This is quite possible though, if let’s say I came home after a night of vodka and choked on my vomit on the futon.
If I happen to fall in the shower, it would definitely take a while for anybody to smell notice anything. Not this weekend though, if I had fallen in the shower this morning and died…by tonight someone would have found my body because I have plans for the weekend.
But let’s say it was like last weekend, where I had no plans and just wanted to sleep in and I had fallen in the shower Friday morning, I’d have been dead for probably four, maybe five days before anybody suspected something was amiss. And that somebody would have been the office most likely, wondering if I had abandoned the job or something.
It’s a sad thought but not really because I’d be dead, but it would be a horrible and traumatic way for my family to find out. And my poor landlady. She might have a hard time getting the stench out of the carpet and then the issues with getting the place rented again because Trinis are “superstitious” people…and nobody wants to live in a “dead house”.
Thinking about it some more…quite like the world ending on Dec 21st, four days before Christmas, dying this weekend would be most inconvenient for me unless there are Keurig coffee machines in heaven. Yes. I believe in heaven. And yes. That’s where I’m going when I die. No discussion.
You see, I’ve been lusting after this particular item for months. I have lovingly picked out the coffee mugs I will be drinking those steaming hot creations in and I have also delayed purchasing my Keurig so that it will arrive juste à temps for my Christmas morning breakfast. If I bought it any time before the designated date and it arrived before Christmas, I would use it…because I’m greedy and have no self-control when it comes to shiny new coffee-making gadgets. Soooo in order to keep myself in check, I’ve delayed my purchase. To thine own self be true.
My date for this most-wanted purchase is Tuesday 11th, because after factoring in delivery time, that date ensures my B60 arrives on Friday 21st December and well…you see where I’m going with this right?! The world cannot end on December 21st just like dying this weekend is out of the question.
However, I have no problem talking about death or me dying and if nothing else today’s prompt made me think about what I leave behind for my family to pack up. It also shows me how vulnerable I really am and that I should have some kind of plan in place. So here goes:
- 1. Get to know my neighbor. My landlady is probably going to have come through on their side anyway to get into my apartment should something happen because she does not have keys for the locks on the gate to my porch.
- 2. Make spare keys and give one to my brother and sister. Give my neighbor their contact numbers as well.
- 3. Keep my cell phone close when I’m in the bathroom.
- 4. Get rid of all the paper/bills/article clippings I no longer need
- 5. It would be best to have a fatal shower accident on a Monday or a Tuesday since my body would probably only have two, maybe three days to be found.
- 6. I should probably cut back on the vodka on Friday nights…
Oh and as for writing the actual obit…I balked at the idea at first but decided to make it fun, while my fingers, toes and eyes are crossed that life does not imitate art in this case.
Deuces.
p.s. If I had died this weekend though, the one thing in my house I’d like to explain is the bottle of peppermint oil on top of my toilet tank. You see yesterday Awesome Stacy over at one of my favourite blogs, Stacy Makes Cents, posted this list of stocking stuffers and #10 on her list is the reason for the oil. Ladies, it can be a problem when we have to GO in public. Two drops of oil in the bowl solves the uh….smell problem. I used peppermint oil and trust me..it works!
You’re welcome!
Yup, vodka can be a mean bitch! Clever post!
Author
oh man do I know it :)…thanks for reading.