The Shroud of Two Rings

I have been working in my own little bubble for more than 4 years.

It was what I needed at the time.

When my mother died, I needed space. During her decline, there was no room for dealing with my own feelings. So after she died I needed time to process everything I had pushed deep down inside for months.

I was so grateful for the peace and quiet at work. I was in my own space and my supervisor pretty much left me up to my own devices. He really trusted me to work on my own.

I was grateful for this safe haven. Because there was no way I could have faced an office full of people, acting like life goes on, when my world was never going to be the same. I would have lost it. I know that is a luxury that many people don’t have and the fact that I had this haven is something I will be forever grateful for.

So in my own little cocoon I worked.

I started the process of facing what I was feeling and started dealing with my grief.

I went inward.

I healed. Slowly.

This however had an unfortunate side-effect.

The rest of my unit and the wider department formed their own opinions of my “hermit behaviour”. They saw it as me being a bitch or…not liking people. Which if I’m honest is not entirely false. Either opinion that is.

However, I didn’t particularly care what anybody thought.

I worked well. I worked hard.

I worked alone.

But like everything else in this life…ALL THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

On February 03rd, I will MOVE to a new department. Not only is it going to be on a floor full of people, I will be expected to be team lead in a unit of men.

Funny enough, my One Word for 2014 is MOVE.

However, when I set my intentions for 2014, I expected a move of some sort…but no way did I see this one coming and I am not entirely sure that I am ready. Be careful what you wish for…right!

But guess what, there is a time for everything.

My time for being silent is over.

Now it’s time to be seen and be heard.

It is time to shed The Shroud of Two Rings. Which is the name my supervisor gave my moods. And yes he told me that this is the name he gave the almost impenetrable hard exterior I usually wear to work.

And no, I’m not mad at him.

He has actually been really understanding and patient with me. I will forever be grateful for the space he allowed me to just be me.

The other side of the coin is that this has been my struggle all week: Being truly me and feeling pangs of…will that be enough?

Will my reputation for being a ball-buster help me here? Time will tell.

But for 2014…I’m liking unpredictable endings. So far.