VernetteOutLoud

UNPACKED

According to 1000 Awesome Things…”packed boxes are ghosts.”

When I moved into my apartment over two years ago I unpacked everything except 5 large cardboard boxes. I’ve been delaying unpacking these last few things because there was a part of me that felt if I unpacked ALL the boxes then this “new” space would not really be temporary. I felt that if I unpacked everything then it means that I have really moved on. I’ve truly said goodbye to my childhood.

All this time I have had these 5 boxes in my tiny kitchen and lived with them…they became part of the room. Inside they held my mother’s things: Crockery, bowls, glasses…the first prize I ever won at a school sports day. Until now I just could not face unpacking them…it was 3 parts I don’t want to unpack mummy’s things and 1 part laziness.

Biggest surprise: I did not cry. Not even when I removed the wrapping on her prized CorningWare bowls. Instead, as I carefully washed them I remembered the meals we used to prepare in them and I thought about the ones I have yet to create. I look forward to using them. No ghosts here.

Today’s prompt asks whether you’re doing the holidays larger or smaller this year? While I don’t have that much Christmas spirit…no decorations or lights or even a tree…I guess I’m doing Christmas on a larger scale (for me) this year. Unpacking my mother’s things and handling that as well as I did, has shown me that I have made some major progress in my journey with grief. I also cleaned more than I did last year and the year before that…that’s for damn sure. My aching shoulders are testament to how much cleaning has been going on. I’m not even completely finished too. I’m on break right now…

So as I sit and type this in my kitchen/living room I cannot help but note that my apartment feels lighter because those boxes are gone.

I realize too that despite how tired I am right now…I feel lighter because I’m moving forward.

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I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo Challenge for the month of December:

NaBloPoMo_MoreLess

You can read some awesome entries here: NaBloPoMo December

Oh Christmas Tree

Today’s NaBloPoMo prompt asks: Which is better — a small Christmas tree or a large Christmas tree?

I say, it’s not the height of your Christmas Tree that matters…it’s the light and love in your heart that you share with the world around you that counts. The better question is: How BIG is your heart?

Today’s post is really short because I’ve been bitten by the “cleaning bug” and I have LOTS to do before Wednesday. I hope as you go about the business of getting your home prepared for the holiday that you also prepare your heart as well.

p.s. I think this song is perfect for getting into that merry cleaning spirit! Enjoy.

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I’m participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo Challenge for the month of December:

NaBloPoMo_MoreLess

You can read some awesome entries here: NaBloPoMo December

XLIII

XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
from Sonnets from the Portuguese

Your smile.
Your drive.
Your love for God.
Your left earlobe…
In fact the skin under your left ear lobe.
That mole on your collar-bone.
And the one on your leg too.
The way the light hits your eyes just so.
The way you light the world with your inner light.
The curve of your lower lip
And that little curve on your hip
…you know the one.
Your fire.
Your calm.
Your peace…
in all most things.
The past…it was all worth it.
Your presence is my present.
The future…we will create.
Together.

You accept me.
Flaws and claws.
Soft under-belly too.
You are my anchor.
You are my adventure.
I see you.
I love you.
You are my enough.
All of you.

…Always.
Me.

BBQ: This too shall pass

This Too Shall Pass

***Spoiler Alert: This is a BAH HUMBUG kinda post***

Christmas Eve 2010…while I was liming with my sister and a couple close friends I had a major epiphany: There was absolutely NOTHING I felt I had to rush home to bake, clean, hang or wrap. There was nothing I had to do on Christmas Eve except what I was doing at the moment. It was effing depressing. I miss my mother.

Christmas was her time of the year. Cooking, cleaning, family, singing…or paranging as we say in Trinidad…that was ALL her. I realized that day that as I got older, Christmas was about making her happy. When she died, my Christmas spirit pretty much went with her.

Don’t get me wrong, I spend time with my sister and brother and their spouses and my extended family as well and I smile and I act happy…but this is a lonely time for me. I miss my mother. And nothing is the same without her. I thought this year might have been different and we would have a child with us to celebrate and shower with all things Christmas but God had other plans for that too. May they both rest in peace.

Yep…this is shaping up to be another so-so Christmas and I’ll drink some ponche de creme (eggnog for some of you) and smile and go through the motions.

Today’s BBQ comes from Terri Cole’s post on The Daily Love which you can read here. She sums up the Christmas blues perfectly. So I will sip my ponche de creme and go through the motions this season and I will do so while I smile through my blues and trust that by New Year’s Eve I will be feeling all kinds of better.

You can read more from founder of The Daily Love, Mastin Kipp and the other awesome TDL contributors here . Terri Cole is an inspiration and you can read more from her here as well.

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I’m participating in this wonderful series created by Kozo over at everydaygurus.com If you haven’t heard about it please click here to read more.

BBQ
If you want to be part of this awesomeesauce BBQ, here’s how you do it:

  • Take a quotation from a favourite blogger
  • Create a BBQ post with the quotation
  • Link back to the blogger you quoted
  • Tag your post BBQLUV
  • Link to other BBQLUV posts (optional)

Yup! It’s that simple.

Weekly Photo Challenge: One

Bequia