BBQ: Loving is hard work
I had an hour-long conversation on Thursday with one of my cousins in the US just catching up on our lives and other family issues. As we discussed an ongoing issue she reminded me that people will hurt you but who are you willing to suffer for?
Yes I know we all have issues with our families: The ones we are born into and the ones we choose. But the fact that we call them family means that they are the ones we decide are worth suffering for. It’s a lesson I learned from my mother as well. She had 10 siblings and she was in the middle. So of course there would be disagreements and hurts and slights real or imagined. However, it didn’t matter what happened between them, my mother always said, “that’s ok, that’s my blood.”
Today’s Beautiful Blog Quote comes from a comment on this post. Vikera was sharing her own six-word story but it resonated with me because it was what I was feeling at the time about my family.
It is hard work loving this family I was born into..especially since we are a stone-cold pack of weirdos. But they are the ones I will suffer for any day.
Vikera just started her blog and already she has been featured on BlogHer. She is fast becoming one of my favourite bloggers and you can enter her Mind Maze here. Good stuff I tell you.
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I’m participating in this wonderful series created by Kozo over at everydaygurus.com If you haven’t heard about it please click here to read more.
If you want to be part of this awesomeesauce BBQ, here’s how you do it:
- Take a quotation from a favourite blogger
- Create a BBQ post with the quotation
- Link back to the blogger you quoted
- Tag your post BBQLUV
- Link to other BBQLUV posts (optional)
Yup! It’s that simple.
XLIII
XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
from Sonnets from the Portuguese
Your smile.
Your drive.
Your love for God.
Your left earlobe…
In fact the skin under your left ear lobe.
That mole on your collar-bone.
And the one on your leg too.
The way the light hits your eyes just so.
The way you light the world with your inner light.
The curve of your lower lip
And that little curve on your hip
…you know the one.
Your fire.
Your calm.
Your peace…
inall most things.
The past…it was all worth it.
Your presence is my present.
The future…we will create.
Together.
Your drive.
Your love for God.
Your left earlobe…
In fact the skin under your left ear lobe.
That mole on your collar-bone.
And the one on your leg too.
The way the light hits your eyes just so.
The way you light the world with your inner light.
The curve of your lower lip
And that little curve on your hip
…you know the one.
Your fire.
Your calm.
Your peace…
in
The past…it was all worth it.
Your presence is my present.
The future…we will create.
Together.
You accept me.
Flaws and claws.
Soft under-belly too.
You are my anchor.
You are my adventure.
I see you.
I love you.
You are my enough.
All of you.
…Always.
Me.
Alone vs Lonely
A close friend asked me if I am lonely these days and her question made me stop and think.
Am I lonely?
Lonely is pining for something you once had, or being upset that you’re cooking for one or that you eat alone every day. Lonely is not being open to adventure because what’s the point when there is no plus one to share it with. Lonely is lack…a need for something that is missing. Lonely is incomplete-ness.
Alone is a choice.
Yes I suck at dating, but it’s not why I choose to be alone at this time.
My heart has taken a couple major hits and I felt used and discarded and then discarded some more, like I was nothing. I felt like in some ways I sat back and willingly let my time be stolen. The investment I made with all of me…was mocked. Frankly, when it comes to men…I’m just never right. I’ve only ever chosen ones who didn’t choose me.
So I need some healing up time. I need to give myself some much-needed TLC. I want this time to just be still in this moment. I want to re-discover who I am and what makes me happy. I’m also learning forgiveness and acceptance.
I know this path I’m on feels right with my soul. I’m learning how to walk comfortably in my own shoes…perhaps for the first time.
I want a Love that satisfies my soul. I want a Love that lights all my “dark” corners. I want a Love that is passionate and I want to not be afraid of that passion. I want to be able to recognize Love when it shows up and be able to cherish it minus baggage when it stays. I want to be whole and healed when Love chooses me. And I feel like this “Alone” time is the bridge to that. I want to be present to this experience of healing because this journey is what will get me from here…to there.
Alone has been an adventure thus far. I am blessed with a cohort of truly awesome friends and a not-so-perfect-and-that’s-just-why-I-love-them family. My nephew will be born soon and I am looking forward to basking in his light. It’s a testament to my state of mind that up until this question made me think about lonely, I never felt like something was missing. I am expanding in my fullness and alone I am becoming more centered…alive…overflowing with Love.
At peace.
Am I Lonely? No.
I am powerful.
I am happy.
I am free.
I am enough.
Trifextra Challenge: I Confess
I loved you while I could, as best as I could…with all I could.
Thank you for you when I had you.
Good luck and Goodbye.
p.s. Despite everything, I love you still.
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I’m participating in Trifecta’s Trifextra Challenge for this weekend:
“This weekend we are asking for a thirty-three word confession. You’re free to write non-fiction or fiction or to blur the lines in between. We just encourage you to get creative and give us your best.”
You can check out others’ entries or submit your own at:
Please feel free to share your own “Confession” below.