VernetteOutLoud

Arms wide open

While cleaning my apartment this morning I found my late friend Jo’s-Ann’s memorial pamphlet. It stopped me in my tracks.

Sunrise: 25th May 1980
Sunset: 23rd December 2012

She was so young; a victim of Lupus .

Jo’s-Ann defied all odds and despite her challenges with Lupus, became the lawyer she always dreamed of becoming. She found a way to make her own rules as she went along. She did not allow the sometimes debilitating effects of her illness to direct how she saw her future. She assessed her reality, made plans and followed through on the those plans that did not give any room to “limitations”. What an example for those of us, who have far less to encumber us.

Her approach to life, the unique route she carved for herself and her ultimate triumph, has inspired me to go in the direction of my own dreams.

Finding the pamphlet, reminded me that I have been delaying deleting her from my BlackBerry Messenger. The very act of which seemed so final. Somehow this was my last connection to her.

Arrived.

That’s her BlackBerry messenger status.

Arrived.

She put that up when she got to the US back in November. She went there on vacation. She never came back.

My last and favourite memory of her was at Queen’s Royal College Old Boy’s Dinner, which we attended about two weeks before she left for vacation. I stood to go join the buffet line and asked Jo’s-Ann what she wanted because I was bringing her dinner to her as well. She said “Everything!”

At the time, I thought to myself…WOW…the girl said everything! No thought about the hour of the night or carbs or that “everything” might be too much for her. She just said, “Everything.”

She had “Everything” that night and she did so with no regrets.

This is an important lesson for me and for others as well.

This is how we should approach life; with arms and heart wide open. Wanting, taking in, absorbing, consuming, embracing, giving…EVERYTHING.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.– 2 Timothy 4:7

When I look at her Messenger profile now, “Arrived” has new meaning.

Her work on earth was finished and now she truly has arrived. I am ready now to say the final goodbye.….I hit “Delete contact.”

Rest in peace my friend. We shall meet again.

Day 29 – Sometimes simple is best

Today’s affirmation:

Today, I come to the end of this journey, help me make today’s gift count!

Has it been 29 days already? When I first started this journey, 29 days seemed like a long time, but here I am on Day 29 and I’m surprised at how fast the time went. I really wanted today’s gift to be something grand, something WOW to truly end this journey in style. The universe had other plans.

Today’s gift was simple. A friend of mine needed a listening ear and some advice. That was it. I will end this journey with some reminders on just how simple life can really be.

Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing. — Oscar Wilde

Why complicate life?
Missing somebody?…Call
Wanna meet up?…Invite
Wanna be understood?…Explain
Have questions?…Ask
Don’t like something?…Say it
Like something?…State it
Want something?…Ask for it
Love someone?…Tell it
People aren’t mind readers and we won’t live forever.
– Anon

Day 27 – Moving in the direction of my heart

Time to turn on your heart light.

Today’s Affirmation:

Today I give in the direction of my heart.

‘Cheshire Puss … Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’ asked Alice.
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
`I don’t much care where–‘ said Alice.
`Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
–from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

It’s the day after my birthday and today I plan. What is this New Year of life going to be like? What new things am I going to accomplish? Looking back on the last year of my life, I was most happy when I was doing things that made my heart sing. Planning events, seeing them come to fruition, pleasing my customers all set my heart on fire. Unlike Alice, who wasn’t sure where she wanted to go, thus it didn’t matter where she went or which path she took to get there, I am going in the direction of my heart. That is going to be my focus this year, doing more of the things that make my heart sing.

I love that my birthday falls at the end of July. It’s enough to time look back at the last year of life and the last 6 months of the current year and make any changes necessary to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. It takes daily focus because as time moves on and things change, because they always do, evaluating my progress and making revisions as I go along is the only way to ensure that I’m on track.

For this New Year I want to focus more on living from my heart and following the path that takes me in the direction of my authentic self. This path may not be the straightest, but it is the one that brings me the most light and love. The thing about paths that zigzag is that they bring with them awesome change through each new opportunity. The trick is not being afraid of change.

Life makes sense when we are centered in our own heart and embrace our own unique journey. Anon

What’s most important to me? My family. My friends. Relationships. I want to focus a little more time and attention on the friendships that mean the most to me, that I’ve let slip, because over time it gets easier not to call or text or email. First step in the direction of this goal: I called a long time friend of mine. I haven’t spoken to her in months but she is really one of those special people I feel blessed to know and want to keep in my life. This was my gift for today.

As for my other goals: making more money, doing more yoga and the like, they will unfold in this space over the course of the next year.

Day 26 – Perfectly Imperfect

Fireworks

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MEEE!!!

Today’s affirmation:

I give more than I receive today.

It’s my BIRTHDAY!!!!

As much as I love, love, LOVE my birthday, I tend to be hard on myself whenever it comes around. I usually have this idea about how I want everything to be, hoping that it would all be perfect and often times it comes with disappointment. Today, I decided that I wasn’t going to focus on receiving, since this was the source of my unhappiness. I expect things of people and usually without even giving a hint as to what those expectations are, and well because the majority of the human race are not telepathic, I usually don’t get what I expect. So today, none of that. Today I am going to give in every way I can and not focus on the small things.

My sister took me to breakfast and then we went to Mass. It was simply lovely. The Gospel today was the parable of the mustard seed.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches” (Matt. 13:31-32)

I have heard this gospel many times but this time the priest said something very poignant in his sermon. He said the mustard seed is tiny and as tiny as it is, inside it contains everything for a mighty mustard tree to emerge. Talk about an AHA moment. I am so hard on myself when a new year approaches, always looking back and measuring where I am to where I want to go. Not considering that each step forward is in fact a step forward and that I have everything I need to achieve everything I am going to ever achieve inside of my right now. I was perfectly imperfect just as I am. I say perfectly imperfect because I am pretty good at making mistakes. Like I make them ALOT. But that is how I learn and grow and evolve. My gift to myself today, is permission to be perfectly imperfect, knowing that I am enough just as I am in mustard seed state.
It was the greatest gift I received so far.

“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”
Matthew 17:20

Isnt that some strong birthday medicine!

So after Mass, leaving absolutely filled spiritually, I thought I was heading to Lucy’s for our lunch date. Only, my sister and Lucy had a lovely surprise planned for me. But first there was the biggest surprise of them all…

TIRAMISUUUU!!!!

Anyone who knows me, knows just how much I love Tiramisu. I can eat it everyday for the rest of my life and never get tired. And this folks, this turned into my biggest gift of all. I was going to share *gasp* my tiramisu. I really am growing up.

After collecting the dessert, on to my surprise: A lovely day at Maracas beach with my family. I could not have asked for a better day. I didn’t care to. Tomorrow I will think about plans for the new year. Today I’m going to savour the love all around me. Cherish all the people who took time out to wish me a happy day, especially my friend Rowan, who messaged at 12 on the dot. I feel truly blessed to have so much love in my life. I look forward to another year of realising dreams in love.

Happy New Year to me! Light and Love always.

Below are some of my favourite photos taken by Lucy during the day.

Coconut Palms, Maracas Bay

Sunny days…sweeping the clouds away….

Lounging on Maracas Bay

Lounging on Maracas Bay

Me and my Aunty

Me and My oldest Aunty

Singing Happy Birthday and cutting the cake

cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake

Me

I couldn’t contain my self, I was laughing so hard

Sunset, Maracas Bay

Sun setting on a lovely day

Day 23 – Making Amends

Today I give from my heart.

There is a scene in the movie Sex in the City, where Miranda hurt Carrie and then badgers her for forgiveness while she herself could not forgive her husband.

Miranda: ‘You have to forgive me.’
Carrie: ‘You badger me to forgive you in three days and you won’t even consider forgiving Steve for something he did six months ago.’
Miranda: ‘It’s not the same thing.’
Carrie: ‘Its forgiveness.’

Forgiveness is an act or decision or exercise in “letting go”. It is hard and very often takes time. It is a sacrifice and in loving relationships, we are called to forgive more times than we would like. It is never easy to admit wrong-doing and to ask for forgiveness and it is sometimes even harder to give it. It’s one thing to say “I’m sorry” but for me often times, saying, “I accept” is easier to than the “I forgive you” part.

I realised today that I have been holding on to a hurt for a while and when the person who did the hurting contacted me today, I had a moment of clarity. For months I have been avoiding this person. And it was because even though I had accepted the apology made months ago, I hadn’t done the forgiving part. While I didn’t bring up the hurt, it was there like an invisible force around me keeping this person out. And the thing about invisible force fields is that while they protect you from outside forces, you are also kept from the outside. My light was a little dimmer, because I was letting this hurt hold me back.

Today, my gift was truly accepting the apology made so many months ago and actually forgiving the hurt. It was time. We talked, not about the hurt, just talked and it was during that conversation I decided to forgive. And that was the end of it. Before you can truly accept an apology, especially when the hurt may have gone deep, you have to think the whole situation through, acknowledge that a mistake was made and then let it go. This whole process can take mere minutes to years sometimes, but the longer we take to do the forgiving the dimmer our light becomes.

There is freedom in forgiveness and life is way to short not to be free.