VernetteOutLoud

7 for SEVEN

Hellooo Loves!

It’s been more down than up these last few days. I am struggling and I have been reminding myself constantly that had it not been for disappointment and detours and zig-zags and crossroads and the many setbacks I have faced, I would not have come this far. Still…it can be hard sometimes in the midst of personal struggle to remain mindful.

My seven this week is rather short, as I use some of my favourite quotes to remind myself that looking forward is the only way…forward.
7 for seven (1)

If you’re like me…and perhaps you’re struggling a bit this week, this month…this decade, I hope that one of these quotes, so ripe with wisdom, inspires you as much as they have me.

Thank you for reading, I appreciate you! This is me blowing some glitter and confetti on you because you’re super blessed to have received the gift of another 86,400 seconds today, to spend any way you desire.

Make those seconds count!

I love hearing from you…what are you grateful today? What made you smile? Feel free to share below!

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Start with one

Bloggers for Peace

To kick off 2014, this month’s Bloggers for Peace Challenge is simple: Choose just one thought to focus on this year to bring more peace into your life and by extension the world around you. I chose the 2nd Agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s life-changing book The Four Agreements as my focus.

Bloggers for Peace - January

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up…
– an excerpt from the book, The Four Agreements.

It’s true we do cause ourselves a whole lot of needless suffering because we make everything about us. When it really is not. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that this is easier said than done because I’m nowhere near this as yet. I take a shitload of things personally. So I know that to achieve this state of “water off a duck’s back” it has to be a daily practice.

Ruiz continues:

Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally…Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing….When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.

If you keep this agreement, you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need.

…this is where true peace begins.

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I’m participating in Bloggers for Peace (B4Peace), Monthly Peace Challenge.

This challenge was created by Kozo over at everydaygurus.com
If you haven’t heard about it please click here to read more.

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Wanna join this movement towards PEACE?

Just tag your post with B4Peace and copy your URL to the Linkz collection at Kozo’s place.

But wait…there’s more: Anyone who completes all twelve Monthly Peace Challenges in 2014 will receive a Free B4Peace T-shirt.

Good stuff, right?.

My 'O' Face

In Loving Memory

It occurred to me when I read today’s daily post prompt that if I fell in the shower or choked on my vomit in my sleep (this would have been two weekends ago though…vodka is a bad bitch) that it would probably be days before anybody knew that I had died or even suspected something was wrong.

I live alone and while I have lots of friends and my family is involved in my life, I am quite independent and I cherish the solitude of home. It’s not unlike me to go a whole weekend home alone, no contact with the outside world. So the first alarm bells would be rung by my office most likely. Or maybe my neighbour. But then I’d have to have bought the farm in the living room and even then it would be because I’d started to smell for them to suspect anything. This is quite possible though, if let’s say I came home after a night of vodka and choked on my vomit on the futon.

If I happen to fall in the shower, it would definitely take a while for anybody to smell notice anything. Not this weekend though, if I had fallen in the shower this morning and died…by tonight someone would have found my body because I have plans for the weekend.

But let’s say it was like last weekend, where I had no plans and just wanted to sleep in and I had fallen in the shower Friday morning, I’d have been dead for probably four, maybe five days before anybody suspected something was amiss. And that somebody would have been the office most likely, wondering if I had abandoned the job or something.

It’s a sad thought but not really because I’d be dead, but it would be a horrible and traumatic way for my family to find out. And my poor landlady. She might have a hard time getting the stench out of the carpet and then the issues with getting the place rented again because Trinis are “superstitious” people…and nobody wants to live in a “dead house”.

Thinking about it some more…quite like the world ending on Dec 21st, four days before Christmas, dying this weekend would be most inconvenient for me unless there are Keurig coffee machines in heaven. Yes. I believe in heaven. And yes. That’s where I’m going when I die. No discussion.

You see, I’ve been lusting after this particular item for months. I have lovingly picked out the coffee mugs I will be drinking those steaming hot creations in and I have also delayed purchasing my Keurig so that it will arrive juste à temps for my Christmas morning breakfast. If I bought it any time before the designated date and it arrived before Christmas, I would use it…because I’m greedy and have no self-control when it comes to shiny new coffee-making gadgets. Soooo in order to keep myself in check, I’ve delayed my purchase. To thine own self be true.

My date for this most-wanted purchase is Tuesday 11th, because after factoring in delivery time, that date ensures my B60 arrives on Friday 21st December and well…you see where I’m going with this right?! The world cannot end on December 21st just like dying this weekend is out of the question.

However, I have no problem talking about death or me dying and if nothing else today’s prompt made me think about what I leave behind for my family to pack up. It also shows me how vulnerable I really am and that I should have some kind of plan in place. So here goes:

    1. Get to know my neighbor. My landlady is probably going to have come through on their side anyway to get into my apartment should something happen because she does not have keys for the locks on the gate to my porch.
    2. Make spare keys and give one to my brother and sister. Give my neighbor their contact numbers as well.
    3. Keep my cell phone close when I’m in the bathroom.
    4. Get rid of all the paper/bills/article clippings I no longer need but hoard because I’m an information hoader because there is no reason to burden anyone with the task of going through them to see what’s important or not.
    5. It would be best to have a fatal shower accident on a Monday or a Tuesday since my body would probably only have two, maybe three days to be found.
    6. I should probably cut back on the vodka on Friday nights…

Oh and as for writing the actual obit…I balked at the idea at first but decided to make it fun, while my fingers, toes and eyes are crossed that life does not imitate art in this case.

Deuces.

p.s. If I had died this weekend though, the one thing in my house I’d like to explain is the bottle of peppermint oil on top of my toilet tank. You see yesterday Awesome Stacy over at one of my favourite blogs, Stacy Makes Cents, posted this list of stocking stuffers and #10 on her list is the reason for the oil. Ladies, it can be a problem when we have to GO in public. Two drops of oil in the bowl solves the uh….smell problem. I used peppermint oil and trust me..it works!

You’re welcome!

You're all off the hook!

“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” – Esther Hicks

Last evening, I found myself hanging out at a bar and wishing with all my heart that I’d said no and headed home instead. The whole time I was sitting on that bar stool I kept asking myself why, if I knew I wasnt feeling 100, did I still agree to come? I couldn’t blame anyone but myself for my unhappiness and discomfort. I felt tortured by the whole scene, all the conversations going on around me felt inane and boring. I wanted to blame the other people in the lime for my predicament, but the only reason I was there was because I said yes. In my frustration I alienated everyone in the lime that I agreed to like it was somehow their fault that I had made this stupid decision.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation that does not make you happy and you take your frustration with yourself out on the people around you? For me, its more times than I deserve forgiveness for. I’m a work in progress.

I didn’t like that person who wanted to make everyone feel bad because I wasnt feeling well. It was unfair. So I’ve decided that since I am solely responsible for my happiness, I should have a few rules to live by, so that when I’m on “2 minds” about something, I will refer to them for guidance. I was going for ten, but let’s be real here, I’m not going to remember ten rules. So this is what I came up with for living my best life:

1. I am responsible for my happiness, NO ONE ELSE IS.

2. Always remember Rule #1.

Those are my rules, pretty simple huh?! I thought so too and I can definitely remember them, even when I want to be mad at the whole wide world. Yes, I am allowed to feel pain, sadness, anger, fear, panic and disappointment since they are a part of life. I believe we have to feel it to heal it, so feeling the negative emotions helps the moving on process. But I am not allowed to wallow. Happiness is not a destination, it is a decision and the time is always now, now is the time to choose happiness.

Thankfully, I’ve learned over the years what makes me happy:

    Drinking more water, my body thanks me when I do.
    Doing more spin and yoga. Whenever I do a spin class, I feel like I can take on the world after and well yoga, just makes me feel good period.
    Recently, my drinking green smoothies and trying new recipes are a source of joy that I didn’t think possible.
    Getting more rest. I am always nicer when I’ve had enough sleep.
    More Sex. The in love, committed to each other, you rock my world kinda sex, because that’s the kind I’m happiest having.
    Blogging. I started this blog to share my experiences with my readers and it amazes me every time I realise that people are in fact reading. This has been such a humbling and exhilarating experience all at once.
    Drinking less alcohol. Hangovers get worse with age.
    Forgiving more. Forgiving myself first and then everybody else. We are all carrying burdens and some are heavier than others, I don’t have to make mine any heavier by holding on to crap. This means forgiving him too.
    Praying more, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
    Taking time to enjoy cassava dumplings and Tiramisu when I can. Because life is short and we’re here to have plenty fun too.
    Enjoying the outdoors, exploring my island and travelling more. Experiencing new things always make for extraordinary moments.
    Yes I have career goals and financial goals and working towards these goals add to my happiness, the little steps I take everyday towards achieving these goals matter the most.
    And when I need a time out from it all, I promise to listen to my body and take care of me.

I am going to cultivate the habits that make me happy everyday. It’s an evolving list as I learn and grow and become the Vernette I was created to be. The great thing about happy is that you can find it where you look for it and when you realise that it’s inside of you, then it makes things a whole lot easier. The happier I am, the more loving I am. The more love I have to give, is the happier I will be.

There is a quote that goes, “The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” Don’t wait for “someday” to be happy. Embrace the light, embrace your light and make yourself happy now. The time is and always will be now.

This is one of my favourite places. Every time I’m in Tobago, I make the time to visit. I feel happy and at peace here and my spirit is always renewed. It’s also the scene of one of the last happy times I had with my mother before she died. Do you have a “favourite/happy” spot that renews your spirit too? – photo by Lucy Masters

Day 11 – The gift for Forgiveness

It’s amazing what sleep does for the body. After my visit to the home for the aged, I came home and slept for almost 6 hours straight. Got up for about an hour and then went right back to sleep. I woke up this morning refreshed and feeling much better than I have in ages. My body really needed some rest.

Today’s affirmation:

Today I give and forgive.

This theme has been recurring all around me for last few days or so. Forgiveness. Grief. Letting Go. Moving on.

Now, when I started this 29-day journey, I had hoped each day, the opportunity to give a gift would present itself naturally, that I’d just know in my heart and spirit what felt right as that day’s gift. Today, however, I am home, the TV is on. I have no idea what or how the opportunity for a gift will present itself. But today is a special day.

One of my god-son’s (I have 3) is celebrating his birthday. My friends all know how much I love birthdays. I think that our presence here on this earth is indeed a present and another year of life should be celebrated. God chose this time in our history to bless this earth with your story…it is a very big deal. So to not be able to celebrate this milestone with him (he’s now a whole hand) hurts on a level I cannot explain. You see his mother and I are no longer friends.

Now some may say this should not affect the child. And I agree. It does not affect the love I have for him. However, I do know that I can love him from afar. It was a difficult decision, one that was in the making over the course of two years. There comes a time though, when we have to take stock of our friendships and take back our power in love. Some friendships drag you down and drain your energy. We hold on anyway because of loyalty, I refuse to say love, because caring about someone is not about martyrdom. Let go we must, for our own growth. This is not an easy thing to do especially with friendships that span years and bonds that are sometimes stronger than family.

I knew how I chose to deal with today, would determine if I’m truly done with this friendship. I chose not to call or message. Instead I chose to light a candle, say a prayer and wish my god-son all the light and love I could. Forgiveness can only happen through grieving and letting go. I have forgiven my friend for not valuing our friendship. I had a lot of grief about how things went down. But I know today started the letting go process. I’m not going to judge her process. I’m going to let the past be the past. We both have some growing to do and I will only do what I can with what I can control. How I react to things.

One day I hope I will have the chance to explain to my godson why I chose to deal with this the way I did. I pray that he understands and forgives me.